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Baio: Man, Myth, Legend

By: Bobby Finstock on 04/27/06 @ 8:41 pm

My straight up man love for Scott Baio is on record numerous times over. (This would be the blog I would recommend reading to understand the power of Baio.) I always thought that he waited by a bus stop in Hollywood for girls moving to LA to make it big, picking out the hot ones and banging them.

Now I know he isn’t even that devious. He just has the best game on the planet. This was sent to me by Carlene, who I now love:


In other lothario news, Scott Baio is sharing the secret to his head-scratching success with the opposite sex, and surprisingly enough the pick-up lines, “Wanna see why Joanie really loved Chachi?” and, “Charles wants to be in charge of your days and nights” didn’t make the cut.

“Just be completely upfront. Just say something like, ‘Hello, I like you and I wanna make out,’ without sounding like a complete [bleep],” the former child star-turned-Playboy mansion staple says in an advice column for Stuff magazine (via the New York Post).

Baio, whose exes include Pam Anderson and Heather Locklear, also urges men to be thrifty when it comes to wooing by cutting their losses quickly: “Be direct, because otherwise you could end up blowing $100 on drinks. If she says no, then it’s, ‘OK, nice meeting you, goodbye.’”

Concludes the oh-so-romantic former Fonzie foil, “The key for me is that I have no ego. I just didn’t care. This is not the last woman on the planet. If she’s not into it, who gives a [bleep]?”

He just doesnt care and he is freaking Scott Baio How great is that?

Now I have picked up many a girl in my lifetime usually by giving away free candy but this this is genius. I cant wait to go out this weekend and say the following to the ladies, “Hey I don’t know you but I like you, wanna make out?”

It surely beats out my line that I usually use here is how it goes:

Me: Are you good at math?

Female: I’m okay at it.

Me: Well I have a problem for you. Let’s add you and I, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and multiply.

My way doesn’t always work but Baio’s way I don’t know how I wouldn’t get laid. Even better will be when we order a drink together and she says that she isn’t interested in me, so I send it back. That will win me quality points right there. Why get the girl drunk and see if her inner slut comes out? Just be direct and see if she is a slut right off of the bat.

Mr. Baio I applaud your efforts… Your teachings are not lost and should serve as a role model for men everywhere.

For you doubters out there just remember one thing:

jodie foster scott baio

Scott Baio, the last cock Jodie Foster ever ate. It was so good she had to switch teams.

Tomorrow: My review of the new Fall Out Boy video… A second by second breakdown of my descent into madness

Filed in: Pop Culture

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

3 Responses to “Baio: Man, Myth, Legend”

  1. Roxanne says:

    I am curious to see if this new “Baio Technique” worked for you this weekend.

  2. Lexie says:

    I’m sure you find great success with Baio’s method. I’ve personally been practicing it for the last three years, and I’ve had 100% success rate. Of course, I’m a girl, so it just comes off as slutty when I say “Hey, wanna go make out real quick?” Whereas a guy asking the same question might seem kind of creepy. But hey – if it works for Baio, it must not, right? Good luck!

  3. [...] 5) She isn’t dating Wilmer Valderrama anymore which makes me happy. I have given my reasons for why I think this guy is just evil. He is the new wave Scott Baio wannabe, but there is only ONE Baio. But he has racked up an impressive list of starlets never the less… God I hate Fez. [...]

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