Apr

Ahnuld’s Top Ten

By: donkeysosa on 04/22/06 @ 8:55 pm

Forget about his shitty politics for a moment, and think back to the time when Arnold Schwarzenegger was the Jesus of cheesy action movies. This is the Ahnuld that I want to remember:

All greased up, wearing a loincloth, and spouting hilarious one-liners in that comical accent of his. So to honor the pre-Govenator Ahnuld, here’s Donkey’s top-ten favorite Ahnuld quotes:

10. “I’ll be Back.” – From every movie he’s ever been in. This joke started getting old by the third movie he used it in. But still belongs on the list.

9. “It’s not a Tumor (pronounced Tumahh)!” – From Kindergarten Cop

8. “To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of the women.” – From Conan the Barbarian.

Above: Ahnuld wonders: “Why do I no longer hear the lamentations of the women?” Maybe it’s the man teats?

7. “He Had to Split.” – From The Running Man, after he cuts some guy in half with a chainsaw.6. “Don’t Disturb my Friend. He’s Dead Tired.” – To the stewardess in Commando, referring to his fellow passenger, whose neck he has just broken with one mighty tug.

Above: Ahnuld faces his toughest challenge yet: marriage.

5. “Stick Around.” – From Predator, after he’s stuck some dude to the wall with a huge hunting knife.

4. “I let him Go.” – From Commando. He’s just finished dropping a guy over the side of a cliff, and the heroine asks Ahnuld innocently what he did with the guy.

3. “Get to the Choppa!” – From Predator.

2. “To Be or Not to be? Not To Be.” – From The Last Action Hero, right before he presses a detonator, causing a huuuge explosion.

Above: Smoking causes Tumahs, Kids.

1. “Let off some Steam, Bennett.” – After throwing a pipe through Bennett’s stomach and into a big pipe behind him, causing steam to pour out of the pipe protruding from Bennett’s chest (confused yet?).