Apr

Is that Candy, or Did the Easter Bunny Take a Dunp in my Easter Basket?

By: donkeysosa on 04/16/06 @ 8:08 pm

I gotta say, Easter in my household was pretty great when I was a kid. My sister Claire and I would wake up early and search around the house for a bunch of little “nests” of candy, adding them to our baskets as we went. We knew which were ours because we each had our own color of grass.

My Pops was a master nest-hider. Seemed like it would take hours to find all of those little nests, tucked away in linen closets, in silverware drawers, and under seat cushions. He would get a kick out of watching us struggle to find the last couple of nests he had expertly hidden, playfully chiding us for not being able to find them. Then, in the afternoon, our faces smeared with chocolate, we would usually get together with my grandparents for a nice Easter Dinner. Good times.

The only negative thing I remember about my childhood Easters were some of the low-quality, shitty candy we got. As I’ve established in previous blogs, my family was pretty poor, so my parents often couldn’t afford the “good stuff.” I always understood that and appreciated the effort they went through to provide us with any candy at all. Still…..some of that candy REALLY blew, and in hindsight may have scarred me for life.

Here are some of the crappiest stuff, which I seemed to get year in and year out:

1) Malted Milk “eggs.” Fuuuuck do I hate malted milk balls. And these were the size of like 5 of em.

Malted Milk eggs – Easter Poison

2) Jellybeans. And not the good kind either, but the kind you find in the clearance bin, 99 cents for a 10 pound bag. They used these as the “filler” to the nest, so I could always count on hundreds of these hard-as-a-rock, kaka flavored badboys.

3) A big Chocolate Bunny. Every year, as I bit into this, I prayed to the newly resurrected Lord Jesu that this would be the year that it wasn’t hollow, but instead a thick, chocolate love-brick. Then I would hear a pop and a whoosh of air, my teeth would clack together hard as they cut through the razor-thin chocolate, and my dreams were crushed.

4) Knock-off Reeses Peanut Butter “Eggs” – For some reason, only Reeses has the perfect choco/PB recipe. All of the imitators taste like garbage.

5) Those little Candy Corn flavored bunnies that came in different shapes and colors. These things were hard as a rock and tasted like pure sugar.

6) Nasty “marshmallow” eggs with the candy shell. I think these may have actually been made from styrofoam. Certainly inedible for human beings. Here’s a couple pictures: