Harry Potter Sucks
Disclaimer: I understand that the Harry Potter series has engaged numerous young kids and has pulled them away from their television and video games. I think that is great, so for anyone under 13 go and enjoy Harry Potter, you shouldn’t be reading my blogs or be on myspace anyways. If you are over 13 though, this blog applies to you.
Harry Potter sucks… There I said it and I refuse to take it back.
Every time a new book or movie is released I am forced to become a shut in and avoid going out in public so I don’t have to deal with Harry Potter people. Oh yeah, before we go on, if you call me a muggle I am going to rip out your larynx with my nephew’s tonka truck backhoe. (They are surprisingly powerful.)
I don’t understand how people get so excited over a children’s book? It boggles my mind. The worst thing about it is that people brag that they finished it in a weekend. Granted the books are long but um… IT’S A FUCKING CHILDREN’S BOOK. That would be like me bragging that I read the ENTIRE collection of the “Bernstein Bears” in a year. They are children’s books you should be able to read them in a short period of time.
Aside from that, I have four major reasons why I don’t like the entire Harry Potter thing.
4) Anytime adults dress up as their favorite characters for a book or movie release there are issues. This isn’t the bully or the “I’m too cool” guy coming out in me. Someone throws a costume party or a theme party I am showing up in costume no mater what time of year it is. Growing up I loved Star Wars, I had all the toys, lunchboxes, burger king cups, you name it. I was a geek that happened to play sports. With that being said I would never, ever, ever get dressed up in a costume to go to a movie or a book release. It just reeks of sadness especially when adults do it. I don’t care if it is Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, or The Rocky Horror Picture show adults dressing up in costumes is one of the top five things that annoy me most. It annoys me so much that I don’t even have a joke here.
3) The books are entirely too long. Here is a rule of thumb… If Max Cady would have lifted the book in prison as a weight, it is entirely too long of a book to read…. Perhaps that reference was too obscure. How about this, if you can use a book in an assault as a weapon you shouldn’t read it. Let’s use my nephew as an example. The last book I read was “Grasping for Airtime” by Jay Mohr about his stint on SNL. I cracked him in the back of the head with it:
All it did was piss him off.
Now I did the same thing with a Harry Potter book.
That little shit didn’t get up for hours.
Like I said you shouldn’t be able to use a book as a weapon.
2) The main bad guy is a total bitch. He’s like a combination of the Penguin from the old “Batman and Robin” TV show, surrounded by a bunch of inept goons and one of the bad guys from Scooby Doo always getting punked by a kid. At this point how threatening can he be? He can’t close the deal at all. A perfect correlation to this is a guy that brags about being a stud, lands a date with a pornstar, and she doesn’t put out. You’re not such a stud now are you?
1) The actors that portray the main roles in the movies annoy the piss out of me. Why do all three main actors whine every time they deliver their lines? By the end of the movie I feel like I am listening to Peg Bundy on “Married with Children”. Hogwarts is the only school where I openly root for a school shooting.
In summary if you are an adult Harry Potter fan please take the time to rethink your interest in the children’s franchise. Invest your time in something worthwhile like arguing with kids on myspace over whether or not Hermione has secret lesbian tendencies.
Read the latest from Bobby Finstock
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On 04/11/06 at 2:18 pm
Roxanne said:
I am an adult fan of HP, although I would never dress like Professor McGonagall or whatever and attend the movie premiere! My kids turned me on to the HP books, although I haven’t read #6 yet, I loved them all. They are surprisingly complicated, even for adults. My kids have had to explain some of it to me. Holy shit, I just had a revelation! Maybe I am retarded?
On 04/11/06 at 6:53 pm
Bethany said:
Thank you for bringing this up. You’re right. Adults should never act like that for some stupid movie. I actually sat back and laughed at all the Harry Potter fans until last October, when I got really sick. My mom and grandma drove to LA to take care of me and brought all the Harry Potter movies. I actually enjoyed them, but they are a one time watch. I liked it, but don’t want to see it again or read the damn books.
On 04/16/06 at 2:44 am
Kirsten said:
Hi. I found you through blog explosion. I find it interesting that you mentioned the backlash you got about this post and yet there are only two comments here - did you delete some or did you get lots of emails rather than comments? Just wondering.
I’m not writing to have a go at you for what you posted, (although part of me feels like doing so), because you are entitled to your opinion, and you are definitely entitiled to voice it.
I do have my own opinion to voice, however. I love the Harry Potter books. I was introduced to them at University when I did a children’s literature course as part of my teaching degree, and was hooked. I don’t go to the book releases dressed up (although my fiancee did, but that wasn’t his choice he was working in the bookstore), but I don’t have a problem with people who do. Yes they may look like idiots but they are having fun and quite frankly it is more important to be having fun than worrying about what someone else things about you.
Have you based this review on the books themselves or just on the movies? Because it doesn’t sound to me like you’ve read the books at all. If you had you would know that:
a) The storylines (particularly in the later books) are complex and deal with issues that aren’t really for kids. I tried to read the third book to the kids at school and most of it went over their heads. They are certainly more involved and tackle more important issues than most “adult” action movies I have seen (and adult oriented action books, for that matter). So just because they are supposedly children’s books, does not mean that they are childISH.
b) Yes, the books are long. I actually agree with you on this point that in some instances, (especially the 5th book) they are too long. That said there is a lot of storyline to fit in.
c) Yes, they are kids books and easy to read. But as you have already pointed out, they are very long. People brag about reading them in a weekend because even when you are reading quickly because the text is easy, it still TAKES AGES.
Everyone has different tastes and the world would be a very boring place if that were not the case. I hope that you will leave this comment up and not delete it because I disagree with you.
On 10/6/07 at 8:33 am
Kevin said:
This was originally posted on MySpace and have over 400 comments, I just moved it here with the rest of my posts.
On 07/26/07 at 4:37 am
Ryan Thomas said:
Harry Potter books/films are a combination of media hype, weak storylines and poor/simplistic writing. I can understand children liking these books/films but cannot understand why adults are so drawn to them as well. I don’t see adults going crazy over Enid Blyton or Roald Dahl books which I classify in the same category as Harry Potter.
I find Harry Potter boring, monotonous, uninteresting and would rather be beaten with a stick than forced to sit down and watch/read one of the films/books.
For all you adults out there - try reading something better such as The Lord of the Rings trilogy which is a true literary masterpiece.
On 05/18/08 at 8:15 pm
Clamh said:
I am an adult Harry Potter fan and I have read the Lord of the Rings trilogy, as well as other great literary works. If you are not willing to read the books, then your comment is biasied and pointless.
On 01/12/08 at 11:24 pm
Lyds said:
-Harry Potter books are NOT well-written!!! I’m sick to death of reading bullshit.
-They are not funny(I personally find Rowling’s humour very childish, bland and pathetic)
-They are incredibly trite and repetitious and have no place next to classics such as “The Lord of the Rings” &”The Hobbit”.
The first chapter of Philosphers Stone was so weak it bored me to tears!!!!!!!
On 03/18/08 at 10:28 pm
Scott said:
couldn’t agree more with everything you said.
I’m only 18 now so I was still young enough to fit the proper demographic for these books. I was given the 1st book for Christmas when it originally came out, got through the first 4 chapters and came to the conclusion never to pick up a HP book ever again. Didn’t understand the obsession 75% of kids my age had with it.
btw, i discovered your blog a couple weeks ago and have gotten this far in the archives before needing to leave a comment lol. what that means, i dunno… but it’s pretty sad i’ve gotten through 82 pages in 2 weeks. Either your blog is really good, I just have no life, or some combination of the 2.
On 05/13/08 at 2:48 pm
Casehead said:
Hey, just reading your blog and thought I’d comment.
Comment 1: You’re hilarious. I love it when people have the balls to say exactly what they think. I wish more people had that tenacity.
Comment 2: I used to talk so much shit on Harry Potter fans. Every time a new book came out I’d want to drop off the grid just to avoid the morons freaking out about it. I mean, Harry Potter themed tea party for 20 year olds? But then… I was on vacation at a remote lake in Minnesota, and my aunt handed me the first Harry Potter book to read. Keep in mind I’m 25 years old and a connoisseur of fine literature. I figured I’d give it a try seeing as I was miles away from any other form of entertainment and had already read the books I’d brought. I opened it… and read it all the way through in one sitting. The next day I read the second book, the third book the next. And continued on through the end of the series. The books are somewhat simplistic in the beginning, but as the characters mature, so does the writing and so do the themes. Yes, they are still essentially children’s books, but in the world we live in today sometimes it’s refreshing to read a story that has relationships not satiated with overdone sexual encounters, magic, war without being sensationally graphic, etc. I’m not a prude, but literature is a great escape when you need a break from life, and sometimes it’s nice to visit a place that’s just, well, just magical. Given the amount of adults that read the series, it obviously has an appeal to those that aren’t young of age.
I can see how it may seem stupid if you’re not a fan. I can respect that to some people magic itself is stupid. But I guess for me, as someone who sees magic in the everyday world, and who still sees that goodness needs to have a champion, it’s great to read literature that reflects that. And, yes, I did just refer to Harry Potter as literature. In my opinion, the series seems to have earned that designation in the annals of history.
And so be it. Not everyone loves Jane Austin either.
On 07/23/08 at 1:18 am
Anonymous HP ex-fan said:
when i learned of harry potter, the first three books were already out, finished them in a day, and then was stuck waiting a year for the next book. I finally finished reading the 7th book, the day after it came out, and as I comprehended the ending of the series, I realized what a perfect waste of time it has been reading these books.
1) harry potter is a whiny self pitying introverted ‘bitch’ who has no skills whatsoever is completely and utterly reliant on the support of “EVERYONE” else around him. If only there was some depth to this main character, I would have a different opinion of the series.
2) the ending, though many expected him to win, i mean come on, Voldemort’s had to die after all this time. It was the most anti-climactic ending in the history of endings. First he walks around the great hall in his cloak just zapping people here and there, and finally when he faces Voldemort, they talk for what seems like the length of an entire chapter, which then culminates in a disarming spell killing ol’ Voldy.
3) WTF is up with the Epilogue, seriously, its like she pulled a random piece of fan fiction and attached it to the story. And then with all the reveals such as Dumbledore was ‘gay’, etc etc.. I think rowling lost her edge as a writer when she started on the order of the phoenix, and at that point was just in it for the money and trying to get the series done and over with.
Fuck, i hate HARRY POTTER and I Don’t Care who knows it ;D