I found out shortly after we started talking that despite several marriages, an assload of degrees and a quite respectable profession, Zippy had not changed much since his teens and still have the social skills of a 12 year old D&D addict.

Anyway, this all started out innocently enough by us e-mailing and catching up. That turned to bitching about the problems in our life, which led to the confession that our partners lost interest in sex years ago. You can guess the rest.

I thought I was being smart because I had no feelings for him beyond friendship, and even sex was not going to change that. We talked every day. E-mails, phone calls, IMs, text messages – and for 4 months I got to hear about what a selfish, evil monster his soon-to-be was. She would walk all over him and then come back to wipe her feet on his face. His only response was to mutter something after she had left the room. That’s telling her!

As time went on, I went from feeling sorry for both of them for going through what was obviously a painful divorce, to really hating her, even though I didn’t know her. And she didn’t like me, insisting that I was gearing up to take her place.

So, a milestone birthday of his was happening aboout 4 days before his final divorce hearing, and about a month before that, we had made plans to celebrate together. His choice, as his family was not big on birthday celebrations for adults.

Then, a few weeks before, she informed him that she had his entire birthday weekend planned out for him. He called me in a panic, because what was he going to do? I told him to decide what he wanted to do. If it was to spend the weekend with her and the large celebrations she was planning, fine. I was cool with that. But, if he really didn’t want to spend his birthday with the woman he was about to divorce, he had to tell her.

He did, and much screaming, accusations, and drama ensued. She accused him of betraying her by putting me first in his life, since he had made plans with me WITHOUT CHECKING WITH HER FIRST!

Two days of arguing and two more days of incendiary e-mails and he finally told her the subject was closed. He was not spending his birthday with her. Period.

Then his brother informed him that he was having a party on the Saturday after Zippy’s b-day (the day we planned to get together) for one of his kids. The reason sounded suspicious, but I figured Zippy knew his brother better than I, so if he didn’t smell a rat, I should just stay out of it. We changed our plans to Sunday, and figured that was the end of it.

One day his wife showed up at the house where he was living while preparing it for sale and began following him around peppering him with questions and accusations. He said he ignored her. Then she mentioned that it must be nice to take his “girlfriend” to a fancy hotel for his b-day.

When Zippy told me this, I asked him how she could have found out, and he said that he wasn’t sure she did. It could have been a wild guess, or she could have been snooping through his stuff while he was at work (since she still had keys to the house).

He seemed completely unconcerned, and was quite annoyed at me for dwelling on this development. My concern was that if she knew where and when we were going, she could show up and cause a scene.

As I was yet trying to find out if she actually knew of our plans, I asked Zippy if she knew about the party on Saturday, which would pretty much tell her that our plans were for Sunday. He told me that of course she knew about the party, since she was attending with him.

I was stunned. This woman dumps him, sticks him with two mortgages while she moves out to her own apartment, commands his every waking moment even after she moves out, and has generally been the bitch from hell the past few months. Yet 4 days before the divorce she is attending a family party with him? He was surprised that I found this odd, since she had beena part of the family for 10 years, so why not?

I tried to be reasonable. I really did, but I figured she had completely removed his balls, or Zippy was just nuts. I asked him if it ever occured to him that the sneaky bitch had set up a surprise party for him by talking to his brother. After, of course, he insisted he did not want a party and did not want to spend any part of his birthday with her.

Apparently, this was the wrong thing to say. He told me I had no right to call his wife a bitch. He was right and I apologized. Profusely. He said he accepted my apology, and I assumed that meant forgiveness. No.

The next day I called him to find out if we still were on for Sunday and he said no. When I asked why (I mean, come on, I say one wrong thing and you can’t let it go?), he told me that my calling his wife a bitch made him realize he still had deep feelings for her.

Um, okay. So, I asked if they were reconciling, which led to another wave of disgust from him that I would even think such a thing.

Still confused I asked him what had suddenly changed. I mean, one minute the guy is joking with me and laughing and wants to jump my bones, and the next minute he is freezing me out.

Okay, you have feelings for your wife, who is divorcing you in about a week. Suddenly I am someone you can’t even stand to speak to?

Well, then Zippy tells me that yes, she did find the confirmation for our hotel reservation, which he “accidentally” left lying around. She is insanely jealous and very, very hurt, so not only are we not going to be celebrating his birthday, but he needs about a month or so to decide if he still wants to be friends.

Okaaaayyyy… One more question: If he had such deep feelings for his wife, why would he sleep with me? I mean, I know lust is a powerful thing and we both were looking for something we were missing, but it still didn’t seem right. At this point Zippy informed me that he only slept with me to get back at his wife. I was convenient and willing. He wanted to make her jealous, and since he accomplished that, he no longer wanted me in his life.

Oh, yeah, and the icing on the cake is that his “give me about a month” thing was his way of not being man enough to say right out to take a hike. I know that “I’ll call you” is a classic blow-off line, but after months of daily communication, don’t I deserve the truth?

Okay, so the being used thing hurt. The cold, callous way he handled it hurt. Losing a person I considered a good friend hurt. And it sucker punched me really bad. Hubs knew of my friendship with Zippy, but there was no way he was buying that a simple argument would have me so upset. So, the truth came out, and I was prepared to find myself and my belongings on the street. Fortunately, Hubs is a very nice person. He told me that he would never kick me out, but we should plan on filing for divorce. Yeah, my own fault, but one more needle through the brain.

The real kicker, though, was that being in a marriage with a guy who is not the least bit attracted to me has reduced my self-esteem to practically zero. My health problems have increased exponentially over the last few years and my body has changed for the worse. Yet, for all the months that Zippy and I were involved, he told me how sexy I was. That being attractive is about more than looks. And I believed him. I actually felt sexy again. Then to find out it was only lines he was using to get me in bed … well, I will just give up now and start wearing potato sacks and a bag over my head.

I spent a month beating myself up and feeling sorry for myself. Now I have relegated the incident to the chapter of stupid, cringe-worthy things I have done in my life. The main point being that I KNOW better! I’ve been around the block a few times and even before the lines began, getting involved in any emotional way with a guy who brought up so many red flags was just sheer stupidity.

Hubs has decided not to pursue a divorce. This hasn’t helped make me any more attractive in his eyes, but I did learn he is a very forgiving and loving guy. I mainly regret that in my short-signtedness in wanting to get some action, I never considered how deeply I would hurt him.

But, karma is a bitch. Yeah, I will have to deal with karma, too. But I figure Zippy will get his heart broken again. Not because I wish it, but because he does not have the social aptitude to find the right woman and treat her decently. I was never his future, but treating a friend decently never hurts.