My Ghetto Video Gaming System

Donkey’s family was what you would call “Dirt Poor” when he was growing up. This was long before the days when Donkey began making his millions by becoming a Writer (I’m not a Blogger) and publishing “US Weekly” style blogs with no social commentary that were just designed to promote himself and his friends the “Top Bloggers” (I am all about back slapping and self-congratulatory comments).

But I digress. Because my family was dirt poor, often I would end up with knock-off toys. Ya know, like instead of GI Joes, I had Uncle Sams, or instead of Transformers, I had Machines that Transform.

But the best knock-off product that my parents ever got me involved a video game system. It was the mid-80s; I wanted Atari, and I wanted it BAD. All of my friends had it. Hell, I would have even settled for an Activision. I begged my parents over and over again, threatening to kill my sister Claire if my needs weren’t met. It never worked (neither of them seemed to be big Claire fans).

One day, as visions of Pac-Man, Yor, Pit Fall and Defender danced through my head, my mom walked in with a huge paper bag. She had been yard-saleing, she said, and had found something special for me. This was it, this was my moment in the sun. I KNEW my mom would eventually come through for me. Tearing into the paper bag, my stomach dropped as I quickly realized that instead of an Atari, I had gotten this:

The Odyssey 2 – Slayer of dreams

Sigh. I knew my mom meant well, so I put on a brave face and trudged on. But c’mon, can you imagine a young boy’s embarrassment when he had a friend over (a guy who had EVERYTHING) and was forced to play the following games with him?

It’s like Space Invaders without the “kick ass” graphics

That’s right folks, KC Munchkin – Pac Man’s toothless redneck brother

The game I remember the most was this Lord of the Rings knockoff that came in this huge box that contained a strategy manual and multiple cartridges:

That’s right folks, Magnavox had the balls to call it “Quest” for The Rings.

If there was anything at all that was cool and original about the Odyssey 2, it was this thing:

It was a voice modulater that you attached to the top of the system. You could then type in stuff on the keyboard and it would speak what you wrote in a barely decipherable robot voice. My friend and I used this tool to learn more about ourselves and our world by typing in such words as “penis,” “fuck,” and “Kaka.” The two young Shakespeare’s also found it particularly hilarious to type in the following stunning script:

111111111111111111111111111111111111111112

Ahhh, yes, the Magnavox Odyssey 2, the best Ghetto toy I ever received. I know I’m not the only one who suffered through a childhood filled with sad knockoff toys. So c’mon, let’s here your stories (think of it as a support group).