Tila Tequila vs. Forbidden vs. Me: who is the bigger myspace celeb?

Before I launch into this The Ian writes about Tila Tequila all the time, here is his last blog about her. It’s funny stuff, I didn’t want to step on his toes over one of his favorite subjects. But I feel that I need to compare myself to them. I mean after all I am a “myspace celebrity” according to a former blog reader.So now that I have reached the upper echelon and have been put into the myspace celebrity realm, how to I compare to these legends of myspace? Very favorably of course…

Amount of Friends:

Forbidden-814,393
Tila Tequila-901,489
Me- 1796

See while I might not have the numbers that they have, I am only slightly behind. What is a couple of hundred thousand people? But I believe in quality over quantity, most of the people on my friends list don’t THINK they can sleep with me if they drop a shitty pick up line in my comments. They KNOW they can. Also on the plus side nobody admits to dropping loads on the computer screen while looking at my profile, so that is a plus.

Winner- Me

Amount of Comments:

Forbidden-259,975
Tila Tequila-418,589
Me-865

I don’t have Nigerian scam artists posting in my comments, or people typing ad me over and over again. Again quality over quantity, plus I don’t have my page cluttered by 16 year old boys trying to flex without their shirts. I keep those pictures to myself for my own personal fun.

Winner- Me
Interesting things quotes on the profile:

Forbidden: “I can most likely figure you out within 5 minutes of having a conversation with you.
I hunger to be an obstruction of your mind.
I thirst for you to figure me out.
You have now entered my masquerade.
You can uncover your facade.”

TT: (Her music) “Sounds Like10- Grammys”

Me: “I have scored a basket in basketball, a goal in both hockey and soccer but have never hit a home run in baseball, during a game (bar league softball does not count) but I was hit twice in the thigh in the same game. Which I think is personally more impressive because what are the odds of that?”

So Forbidden basically can figure anyone out in five minutes but she is so complex that she can be an obstruction of your mind. Does that even make sense? As far as Tila goes… Well I guess they give Grammy Awards out for the sound of cats being raped by Ron Jermey while getting hit by Herbie the Love Bug. Finally me, I GOT HIT IN THE THIGH TWICE IN THE SAME GAME… I have the newspaper article to prove it. Fuck Stuff Magazine and Vanity Fair, the Livingston County News covered me! Beat that posers…

Winner-Me

What are they known for:

Forbidden- For having large breasts, wearing too much makeup, and sleeping with rock stars.
Tila Tequila- Her um… “music” and posing naked for Playboy.
Me- For being able to write three pages in Microsoft word about crappy reality television and Lyndsay Lohan’s breasts, plus making fun of dumb people that write to Parade Magazine.

Let’s face it since when does a nice rack beat out quality journalism?

Winner- Me

What we plug:
Forbidden- Destroyed Denim
Tila Tequila- Her own clothing line and her “music”.
Me- Pointlessbanter.net

All destroyed denim is people sending in jeans and having Forbidden rip them up and use a bedazzler on them. Tila’s clothing line… designed for the blind in mind and her music. Have you taken five minutes to listen to her default single on her page? Hell don’t even listen to it… Just read the lyrics:

Verse 1:
Creepin’ everytime I got a minute to spare
I was tappin’ that ass everynight like I didn’t care
I call them all baby cuz I forget their names
You would do the same so dont call me insane!
I got lingerie on that is ready to tear
So I pushed him on the bed and started pullin’ his hair
Then my phone started ringing it was my other man
We gotta finish up as fast as we can!

Chorus:
All my playgirls out doing their thing
Who dont give a damn about what people think
We girls have a right to get nasty too!
Cuz I don’t want no love I just wanna get screwed!

Verse 2:
Peepin through my window was a boy named Ben
He was watchin me make out with his best friend Ken
Then I looked behind my shoulder and to my big surprise
I saw a few more people now I’m ready to hide!
So this is how it ends I’m gonna tell you once more
My baby just passed out so I just snuck out the door
There’s always something going on as you can see
This is my life now and it’s as crazy as me!

OK I will stop it now, you have endured enough.
John Lennon just came out of his grave to hang himself.

I just have a bunch of people that write blogs because we have too much time on our hands. We may waste your time but don’t make your ears bleed and if you want me to rip your jeans for you and charge you seventy five dollars well go ahead and send them in.

Winner- Me

Sexy pictures (I am going to go head to head with each of the people here, maybe they can gain some ground on me):

Me vs. Forbidden

Ok tasteful semi nude shot…..

You see I was trying to copy the position but I don’t have fake breasts to prop me up and no photoshop… I know it’s hard to believe that picture of me is unaltered. Ladies you can now take a break to go play with your little man in the boat.

Winner- Me

Me vs. Tila Tequila

Stuff Magazine did a great job, you can almost feel the herpes seep through that picture… Let’s see what naughty pose I can bring to the table.

Oh no my bra came undone…. Sexy, slutty, and yet somewhat classy look there is a flower on that bra!

Winner- Not even close … Me

I guess I must capitulate and admit that I am a HUGE myspace celebrity. I can’t wait to go into stats class tonight and shit on the floor. It will be great, I can tell the professor to kiss my ass because I am a celebrity, then I can immediately dry hump the girl that sits two rows ahead of me. You know she’ll like it, I am a myspace celeb, I can tell she wants it… By the way I saw Sarah Silverman yesterday when I was out to lunch, I think she was checking me out. Or maybe my friend’s baby, but I mean I am a myspace celebrity so I am sure she wanted to juggle my sack on her tonsils….

Tomorrow: The Great Cornnuts Experiment