If Vending Machines Could Give Oral, I Would Leave My Wife

I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that the Vending Machine is one of the crowning achievements of Humankind. Everytime I approach one, I get chills of anticipation like a kid on Christmas Morn who’s about to see what gifts Old Saint Nick has left for him.

I often get the urge to plug in like $100 in quarters and get like one of everything….I may have a problem. But while Donkey loves all things Vending Machine, some products rise to the top:

Ahhhhhh Yeah, Little Chocolate Donuts. Damn are these things like crack cocaine or what? I could eat 40 in one sitting. I’m pretty sure that chocolate frosting is actually flavored wax, but F it, it’s tasty!

Few Vending Machines carry individually-wrapped Pop Tarts, which makes it all the more special when you stumble upon these wrapped little treasures. Quick aside – Donkey badly electrocuted himself as a small boy when he was trying to cook up some Pop Tarts one Saturday morning. Which reminds me – who the hell actually cooks up these things anymore? They’re far more tasty in their natural, pasty state.

Eat one – no effect. But by the middle of the bag, three layers of skin on your tongue have magically disappeared! But they taste so damn good, you just can’t stop poppin em.

I ate so many of these things in Highschool that I quite literally couldn’t eat them for years afterward. But I’m back baby, and ready to pop about 50 of these greasy, acne-givin dream cups. If Reeses Peanut Butter Cups had a vagina, I would run off with it and never look back. Sorry honey, but it’s true.

What are some other tasty Vending Machine Snacks?