Make Your Own Gossip Mag!

Mrs. Donkey is shamefully addicted to those retarded celebrity gossip mags. Every week she gets a copy of Star, US, In Touch, and sometimes OK. Having been exposed to this tripe over the past few years, it appears that there is a clearly successful formula to creating a successful Celebrity Gossip Mag. The Donkster will now reveal that formula, so that his faithful readers may go forth and create their own mags, making millions along the way!

1. The “Shocking” cover story. Mind you, this doesn’t mean it’s necessarily true, just “Shocking.” Sample:

“In this weeks’s issue: TomKat on the rocks after Katie’s Thetan-level’s spike off of the charts.”

2. Always, ALWAYS include a story on celebrities that are too skinny. Then, with an acidic twist of irony, gently ridicule those celebrities that you consider too fat.

“Friends terrified of latest pics of Nicole and Lindsey, seen here as they entered the posh nightclub “The Vomitorium” in February.

“Chunky love-kitten Kate Winslet made a splash on the red carpet.”

3. Show a bunch of pictures of celebrities playing with their kids or holding a Starbucks. Chicks love this shit for some reason.

“Gwyneth and little baby Apple going into the Starbuck in the East Village. Gwyneth had a Soy Latte, while baby Apple had the Carmel Machiatta. Tre Cool baby Apple.”

4. List a bunch of inane quotes from celebrities.

“So I told the guy: Kaballah is sooo last year.”

- Denise Richards

“It’s about moving on, spiritually, to a place where the characters feel at home.”

- Cameron Diaz, discussing her new film Charlie’s Angels 3

5. Line a bunch of celebrities up and have “experts” ridicule what they’re wearing.

TR: Chloe, the prince called, you left the rest of that costume at the castle.

HG: She looks like Rainbow Brite threw up on her.

JP: What a whore.

So there you all have it! Just remember, Donkey expects a 20% cut on any profits made using this template.