Guest Host Inga

(Well we wrap up this guest blog series this week and we will stay across the pond in Europe and visit Norway, wherever that is. So be kind leave comments and I will be back monday with the usual Parade Magazines Questions answered… and then tuesday with a blog… well let’s just say it involves diapers. Enjoy your weekend everyone and you know the deal comment, subscribe and kudo away.)

It is a real honor to get to be a guest writer for someone as talented as the mighty Hoff. For all you people that don’t know me.

Hi, my name is Inga, I’m from Norway. Yes, that is the capitol of Sweden, you’ve heard of that, right? I live in an igloo, and I have a polar-bear for a pet. His name is Lars after my granddad, which he ate.

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There are thousands of phobias out there. Most people have one of the classics arachnophobia, claustrophobia, agoraphobia… yea yea… say you have that, and you’re not special. I don’t brag about my fright of flying. It doesn’t make me special at all. When I walk into a plane I know there will be at least two others with that same phobia. It’s so common. I like to think of myself as special, so when I fly I pretend I like it, no love it, while I hide my sobs behind a maniac laughter.

If you are thinking that phobias are out, and that you don’t have one, think again… There’s a name for everything. Are you afraid of radiators, muffins, q-tips, chocolate, small birds, your own breath, soap… I’m telling you, the slightest little thing has it’s on phobia-like name. So yeah, you have one to, like it or not.

After looking through this phobia lexica I found my phobia….. *drum roll* onomatophobia. I know, doesn’t it sound exciting. Well, that’s a phobia with class. It’s fear of certain words, and my do I have that. It’s not like I run and hide in fear of dying when I hear them, but it’s a shudder, a gag and sometimes for a dramatic effect, I faint. So you are thinking what kind of words is this. I’ll give you my top 3 onomatophobia words.

1. CUNT
I shudder just by writing that. It’ not what it describes, it’s the way it sounds. It’s so aggressive. Call it [tag]pussy[/tag], beaver, the hatch, forest, love slide I’m even fine with the sterile word vagina. Just don’t use the C word. I like to make up my own words for it, it’s different every time. Like blorp… this is my blorp-

2. TURQUOISE
The good thing about this word is that I can write it and read it with no problem, it’s the way people pronounce it that’s the problem. And first we have to forget about the color. When I was a kid I got a turquoise Barbie camping wagon. I never got the Barbie-house like the other kids. All my dolls had to life in the trailer… yes, I was the only kid with a whole bunch of white-trash barbies, and I only had one Ken. I bet he had fun in that turquoise trailer… ok, I’m off track.

When it comes to the word turquoise, it just sounds so… I don’t know, sharp and un useful. Like when do you really, truly need to use that word in a sentence? A guy once told me my eyes where turquoise. I told him he could forget getting any blorp from me.

3. BLORP
I just realized that word isn’t working for me. Reminds me to much of a [tag]fart[/tag]. Lets call it… Snilti.. This is my snilti

And last, my favorite word

BANDANA…. taste it. Say it many times in a row… it’s something, isn’t it?