BiBi Cambridge vs. Ann Coulter

(Glad you guys have been enjoying the different guest bloggers so far. And well if you haven’t, you haven’t been talking shit, so I guess that is good too. Up next we go across the pond to England and BiBi Cambridge. Enjoy, comment, subscribe, and whatever else you feel like doing.)

I am BiBi Cambridge. What the fuck am I doing reading Ann Coulter?

(kevin’s note: I stumbled across this pic, I figured it answered a lot of questions)

For Christmas, my father gifted me with a copy of Ann Coulter’s, ‘How to Talk to a Liberal (If You Must)’.

He’s a cheeky chap, my dad, and fancies himself a right-winger when in fact we all know he’s a closet anarchist. My mother swings, as is her wont, between ‘hang ‘em high’ and, ‘I just want to paint and play the piano’, and my two older brothers are intent on sending their offspring to military school; a response to an apparent lack of boundaries throughout their childhood.

As for me:

I recycle, but I don’t buy organic.
I give to charity, but I don’t pay taxes.
I like kinky sex, but I don’t think others should be having it.
I make music for a living, but you should get a real job.
I won’t watch television, but I do buy The National Enquirer.
I went to a private boarding school, but it was co-educational (lots of sex, lots of drugs, no qualifications).

So that just leaves me: A little unsure? A tad confused? A whirl-pool of political contradictions? Is there a more concise word for a neo- liberal- democratic -eco -fascist -pseudo -socialist -dictatoria l-quasi -stalinist -entrepreneurial -flower child- devolutionist -control freak?

I’ve been reading Ann Coulter. She’s not big over here in the UK: usually, we only accept comment on polity from women if they look as if they’ve been repeatedly pecked by a demented ostrich then thrown in a tumble dryer whilst trying to apply make-up: see Anne Widdecombe and Margaret Thatcher. Ann Coulter, on the other hand, though not a knockout by any stretch of the imagination, does not fit the bill. Fat male republicans may cry ‘Hot Chick’, but I see only a heavy-chinned hatchet face with expensive hairdressing and a so-so stylist. She’s ugly, but she’s not ugly enough.

Coulter’s a self-confessed republican? I must be a democrat!

Having perused Miss Coulter’s prologue, my sole conclusion is that she is completely off her fucking rocker. May I quote her?

‘I am often asked if I still think we should invade their countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity. The answer is: now more than ever!’

Mental.

As far as I’m aware, the countries we’ve invaded thus far have proved rather immune to our ideological persuasions. Apart from Japan, but then again we nuked those poor bastards.

She’s currently very upset with Bush and his willingness to turn American ports over to corporate business owners from the United Arab Emirates What’s a neo-conservative to do when her poster child throws a bucket of water over the burning cross? Subtlety not being her strong point, Ann has trouble understanding that not all Arabs are bad people. Perhaps not well travelled, she doesn’t see that the U.A.E is to Iraq as New York is to Utah. And they’re about the same distance apart.

So what’s an ideologically confused girl to do? I mean me by the way: fuck Ann Coulter, she’s ugly. I think I’ll do my hair and stop reading books about politics. Shit, my erstwhile lover wants me to read a chapter from a book by PJ O’Rourke. Hang on, the chapter’s called How to drive very fast on drugs while getting your wing-wang squeezed and not spill your drink.
Oh, go on then.