Parade Magazine’s Questions Answered

(The questions this week were kind of thin, plus I am distracted by my blog I am working on for tomorrow. It’s a breakdown of the celebrity sex tape. I am pretty happy with it thus far, it might give the Dakota Fanning Blog a run for the money. Also I spent most of yesterday working on the new homepage for pointlessbanter.net I think it is spiffy. I also posted the voting results from the top blogger awards there for those of you who don’t go to that group. Thanks to everyone that voted!)

Q. Broadway legend Chita Rivera was in a crippling collision involving a taxi a while back. Can she still dance?
T. Foley, Washington, D.C.

A: If she was in a “crippling” collision why would you ask that question or word it that way.

Crippling- To cause to lose the use of a limb or limbs

So technically didn’t you already answer your question in your question?

Well I guess she could hop around or something, which is how I dance Chicks dig it.

Q. I read that British naturalist David Attenborough did a PBS special. About what?
Joe Bryan, Honolulu, Hawaii

A: What do you think it was about? It was about how people live in those groups totally nude, you know nudist colonies? Why the hell are nudists always middle aged people that you wouldn’t want to see nude? I never got that. It totally freaks me out, just like when you go to a nudist beach it is like half perverts and maybe there will be one attractive girl there. Not that I have been to a nude beach. And furthermore

Wait he’s a naturalist and not a nudist oh let’s move on.

Q. There’s been talk lately that Lincoln was homosexual. On what evidence is this assertion made?
Tom W., Peabody, Mass.

A: Tom I have indisputable proof that Lincoln was a homosexual. Just take a look at this photo.

He’s a cross dresser He is such a bitch. See you all thought I was going to go with a brokeback joke didn’t you?

Side Note- NEVER do a yahoo images search for tranny… It was a horrible lesson I had to learn. Plus there were lot’s of Janet Reno pics.

Q. The closing credits for the latest version of Pride and Prejudice say “Special thanks to Emma Thompson.” What contribution did the actress make?
Rachel Madden-Connor, San Diego, Calif.

A: Fluffer

Q. I heard that CBS offered Katie Couric $17 million to $20 million to anchor the CBS Evening News. What’s wrong with the guy they’ve got: Bob Schieffer?
Lester Hoover, Los Angeles, Calif.

A: He’s old, he isn’t perky, and he isn’t loved by housewives everywhere Plus I can’t see his nipples when it gets cold the in the studio

Q. It has been more than 10 years since the O.J. Simpson trial. Whatever happened to O.J.’s “professional houseguest,” Kato Kaelin?
Scott Brown, Milwaukee, Wis.

A: Does anyone really care? He falls into the Paris Hilton class of getting famous without ever really doing anything. I still never understood why he was staying at OJ’s house. He had to be a coke dealer or something.

But talk about winning the lottery in life. You just happened to be at a house where a double murder takes places. You come off in the trial is a lazy, idiot, that has no real station in life. After that tv interview offers start coming in, you start making appearances in tv and films, plus get to host a couple of low end shows. On top of that you don’t go away for TEN years

You know what I am actually kind of jealous. Maybe I could live in like Fred Durst’s guest house; he is due to snap and kill someone.