Amazon.com WTFs

I’m an Amazon.com junky. I could browse that site for hours on end. I particularly love to see what the topsellers are. It always amazes me to see some of the shit that people are spending their money on en masse. Here’s some items from the bestselling books that made me say WTF? If you guys like this, I’ll do some CDs and stuff next.

You’re Wearing That? : Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation

I got news for ya moms, not even a 5,000 page epic is gonna get you to understand your teenage daughter (because let’s be honest, that’s what this book is really about). Why? Because they’re insane. Oh, and chances are you kinda are too…..that’s why us men have resorted to various grunts and groans when in the presence of both our daughters AND wives.

Spirit-Centered Relationships : Experiencing Greater Love and Harmony Through the Power of Presencing

Just reading the title of this book shrank my dick by like 3 inches (luckily I have 10 inches left). Christ, when are people going to learn: relationships are hard work, they have ups and downs, there’s no “Mr. Right,” and there’s no magical scheme to make them work better.

Love Smart : Find the One You Want–Fix the One You Got

I’m gonna keep this one short and sweet: Hey Dr. Phil, why don’t you shut your self-righteous cake-hole and stop exploiting people’s problems for your own financial gain? Fuckstick.

Rachael Ray 365: No Repeats–A Year of Deliciously Different Dinners

So I’m supposed to beleive that cooking everyday of the year is a good thing? I think I’ll stick to my Nachos Bellgrande.

Captured by Grace: No One Is Beyond the Reach of a Loving God

This is good news! Guess that triple homocide was just wiped clean by the “Reach of a Loving God.” Boy, people eat these religious books right up, don’t they? Modern Day snakeoil salesmen, these authors.

The Sonoma Diet: Trimmer Waist, Better Health in Just 10 Days!

Let’s place bets right now: how long before every fucking restaurant in the country has a special “Sonoma Menu?”

Natural Cures “They” Don’t Want You To Know About

Speaking of Snakeoil salesmen, this jackass makes you spend $30 on a book that gives you little to no information but instead directs you to his website, which you have to pay like $40 to access. There’s a sucker born every minute.

If You Could See What I See : The Tenets of Novus Spiritus

Ya know, she must have magical powers. How else do you explain the fact that she’s been able to morph into Ed Asner?