An Open Letter to Women Who Wear See Thru Dresses at Award Shows

Before I launch into this blog let me give you some facts about me:

-I like hot naked women.
-I like hot semi naked women.
-I like semi hot naked women.
-I like semi hot semi naked women.
-I like most naked women except for Kathy Bates in a hot tub in About Schmidt

Shocker I know.

With that being said I want to ask the starlets of Hollywood to stop wearing practically nothing to awards shows. Its not because I dont want to see you half naked, or semi naked, or anything like that. Believe me I do.

But you guys are doing it all to stir up controversy so people will promote shit you are on. Its annoying to me because if you want to be a total slut do it because your inner slut is calling out. Do it because you want to give little Tommy in Iowa some material to hide in between his mattress and box spring. Do it because you want to be the girl that every shop worker has pinned up next to his calendar. Don’t do it because you want to promote your shit. Because that is why Terri Hatcher dressed like a skank last night:

The boy undies are a nice touch Terri.

We are going to hear about this and Desperate Housewhores ad nauseam. A show that I have never and will never watch, and because of this I am going to boycott forever Unless they move it to Showtime and call it the L Word and they start totally making out with each other nude. Wait how the hell did I get from where I was to here? Back on point.

I dont want to shit all over Terri Hatcher because it isnt just her that has done this cheap piece of promotion. (And yes before you say that I am falling into her trap and writing about it I would like to mention that I am allowed to because I am The Hoff Yeah I know it was worth a shot though.) Music performers have also tried this cheap stunt as well. How could we forget J-Lo?

Mmm Taco flavored kisses That dress pushed her into super stardom. Well that and sleeping with Puffy to gain street cred and Ben Affleck to keep the white folks happy. Ah how far you have come Jennifer from being a dancer on in Living Color.

Wow she had a ton of work done too.

I would be remiss if I didnt mention the Toni Braxton dress as well.

You know I feel like a myspace Larry Flynt right now.

So what I am saying is to all the starlets, aspiring starlets, fluffers, and musical performers out there that read my blog. (Which is zero but eh you never know.) Dont sell out and wear practically nothing in order to promote your show. Wear practically nothing for the right reasons. Like giving the men of the 82nd Airborne something to put into the spank bank, ladies think of your country instead of your television show or album.

Signed,
Kevin speaking for horny men everywhere