My theory on Dakota Fanning

My Theory on Dakota Fanning.

In a past blog I touched on the idea that I think Dakota Fanning was a robot produced by the Hollywood establishment in secret lab in Compton. I know it sounds completely insane, and totally nonsensical. But I firmly believe that she is not human. I know everyone is going to just laugh and say that I am being crazy. You might all have a picture in your head of me wearing tin foil on my head while writing this blog. However I think there is a lot of logic behind this. I am going to lay out my hypothesis below.

First let’s cover the background:

In the 80’s the Hollywood establishment was embarrassed by a rash of legal troubles that child stars ran into. Child stars while valuable, posed a lot of investment risks. They aged, they hit puberty, they had a restricted work rate, and they eventually would be used up by the Hollywood system which would come back and haunt them. Hollywood decided to use some of the top scientists in America to combat the problem. Their first breakthrough was in genetic research in what was labeled:

The Tuskegee Experiment Version 2.0.

TEV2.0 was an experiment with African American child actors. They were given genetically altered DNA that would keep the person looking young for numerous years, even far into adulthood. While there were many complications from the experiment resulting in numerous deaths of young African American actors, the studios believe that the ends justified the means. The end result gave us:

and

The experiment was considered initially to be a success. These actors could actually be older then the age they represented which helped out with their work rate because they didn’t have to follow child labor laws. Also since they were going to stay in this state for a longer period of time their “cuteness” factor increased, along with the show being able to be on for a longer period of time.

Eventually though people began to question why these kids never aged? Hollywood in order to protect their investment explained that they each had a special type of disease. Michael Jackson, who was sleeping with Emmanuel Lewis at the time, found out that he was actually 25 and not 9, was enraged. Jackson who was at the height of his fame and power back then organized a secret boycott of “Different Strokes” and “Webster” leading to both shows going off of the air.

The Hollywood big shots decided to go into phase two of their plan:

The Small Wonder Experiment

The small wonder experiment was a bold move by television executives and scientists. With advancements in artificial intelligence (AI) they executives believed that they could use a robot instead of actual child actors. The drawbacks were that their current model: the Tiffany Brissette series, had limited emotional range.

Eager to test out their new creation, the TV executives decided to craft a show about a girl that was a robot. By placing the robot in the show acting as girl acting as a robot and surrounding her with the worst possible actors ever assembled the executives figured nobody would catch on. The show went on for close to five years without anyone questioning the acting or the non-existent age change. After the show went off the ear the executives still wanted to see if they could get mileage out of their current model, so they placed her onto two television shows where her noticeable lack of personality would be ignored; “The 700 Club” and “Teen Win Lose or Draw”. Plus they figured nobody actually watched either of those shows.

The Hollywood executives were very eager to see the next phase of robotic child actors. However the technology available had limited them. The program became expensive and was shut down for a few years, child actors continued to work and things might have actually turned the corner until the Macualay Culkin breakdown.

After the arrest of Macualay Culkin Hollywood doubled their investment in the robotics program, leading to two new male models launched around the same time.

The Jonathan Lipnicki model:

and the Haley Joel Osment model:

These upgrades allowed them to come off a little more human. Also they could be brought back to the shop and slightly aged. Both series had some issues, the Lipnicki model was hampered by only being able to spit out two cute lines of dialogue at a time and nothing else. While the Haley Joel Osment model was uber creepy, and could only weird people out.

The current product: Dakota Fanning

Dakota Fanning or Small Wonder version 4.0 has been a huge success so far for the Hollywood executives. There are numerous improvements over the other models. One improvement being that she will randomly have a tooth fall out in order to provide that cute, awkward smile that everyone loves.

Plus even though she will have been in a ton of movies in a six year period it will always make her look like she is losing some of her front teeth, which increases the adorable factor.

Also new on the Dakota Fanning model is the fact that it can do two different modes.

Mode 1: The know it all, I am smarter then my age kid

Mode 2: Screaming freaked out little girl.

Why I know this is true:

I know right now people just got reading through the history of this Dakota Fanning Project and they all think this is far fetched. But now I am going to provide my evidence.

Her Teeth

For some reason Dakota Fanning always has teeth missing or they are just growing in. Yes I know she is like 12 but isn’t this about the time they are done falling out and she should be in braces or something? She continually has this tooth thing going on and it freaks me out. I don’t think this is even natural.

Her workload

www.IMDB.com has her listed in like 63 different projects and appearances since the year 202… This is a yeoman’s like effort. I know some people are saying so what… Let’s put her up against [tag]Jude Law[/tag] who as been in like every movie that came out in the last three years, I figure this will give us a good litmus test. He is slated at 47 movies and appearances since 2002.

Her intelligence

Dakota Fanning comes off way to well in interviews. She is like a 45 year old trapped in a 12 year olds body. Normal and above normal 12 year olds do not talk the way she does.
She is way too composed.

I think that I have laid out a compelling history and case of why Dakota Fanning is a robot?

Agree or disagree that she is, your thoughts?