I’m a Walking Yeast Infection: Thanks Subway!

So I ate at a Subway today for the first time in awhile. Why is it that when you leave that place, you end up smelling like a yeast infection?

“Would you like to exchange those chips for a tube of Monistat sir?”

All of the other sandwich places bake their own bread in the store without leaving that horrible stench in my clothes for the rest of the day, so why the hell can’t Subway?

I think I’ve unraveled the mystery. Jared and his minions are using that foul odor to market their “food” to the masses, banking on the fact that you’ll go home or back to the office, people will catch a whiff of magical yeast, and you won’t be able to resist the urge to rush to the nearsest Subway (which is no doubt no further than a block away). But I’ve beat them at their own game. I figure fuck it, if they’re going to use me to advertise, let’s do this up right. And that’s why I went out today and bought this:

Who’s laughing now Subway? Who’s laughing now?