Derek Jeter and the Winter of the Deep Fryer

Just a quick little blurb before I go into my real blog topic for the day. I had a dream last night, a rather long one but I am just going to cut to the highlight/lowlight of it. I was at an open air mall with one of my friends from back East. There was a sports card show going on and we were looking for my parents so we could get the hell out of there. While we were walking around we were judging if the amount the player were asking for an autograph was too low or too high. (This was a very fun game that I think I need to move into real life.) Finally we get to a winding staircase and my mom was on the staircase. She was talking to Derek Jeter. They finish up whatever conversation they were having and Jeter moves in and tries to make out with my mom. She kind of pulls back, and I yell up the stairs, “Derrek Jeter and my mom? What the fuck!”

So I hate Derrick Jeter now, you are a fucking asshole for putting the moves on my happily married mother. Another reason for me to despise the Yankees, I will just have to add that to my list.

Onto my blog…Today I am going to talk about the winter of the deep fryer. About 4-5 years back I was living with one of my friends Tony (all names have been changed to protect the innocent) and this girl Katie who was a student at the local college. We were in the midst of one of the worst winters I had ever been through in my life in Western, NY. You just didn’t want to leave your house. The amount of snow we were getting was ridiculous, it just kept coming. The roads were always in horrible shape, it was too cold to even leave the house. It was so cold when you walked out of the house all the snot in your nose froze immediately. Add to the fact that we lived in what was considered a college town and all the students were on break, so any reason to go out to the bars was null and void.

Katie, like the other college students was home on break leaving Tony and I in a bachelor pad type setting. So basically we just drank beer and played video game hockey every single night, thinking nothing of our hermit like behavior. For Christmas that year Tony received a deep fryer from his grandmother, which was a cool gift. He could make mozzarella sticks at a whim which is always a good thing. Eventually we also moved onto making chicken fingers with it, mushrooms, and a few other things.

As the days went on our boredom grew and our alcohol consumption increased. So did our deep frying. We moved on from logical deep frying items to experimenting. Vegetables were the first thing. I mean what better way to eat vegetables then deep fried? You are eating something that is healthy prepared in an unhealthy way so it all canceled out right? We found some veggies did taste good deep fried like squash for example. Then we moved onto fruits, other meat products, different types of cheeses, cheerios, beef jerky, crackers, basically anything edible was deep fryer material. It became a drunken game to us, the deep fryer challenge. Going to the supermarket while stoned in Tony’s case and drunk off my ass in my case was the ultimate highlight of the week, we were picking out things that we would never buy just so we could try them in the deep fryer. It was like we were spending the money of a family of four would, just a total and utter waste.

Finally on a night with drunken deep frying we reached the ultimate high point/low point. Tony decided to just crack an egg and dump it into the deep fryer. This is something I would not recommend, Not only did it taste like ass the vomiting it induced was not welcomed. I think the eggs had been in the refrigerator well past their expiration date, but drunken guys deep frying to do not think about these things.

Katie ended up coming home from break a couple of days after the egg incident. Disgusted by the condition our drunken deep frying had left the kitchen, and the 15 pounds we easily both put on. Katie decided to dismantle the deep fryer and put the kibosh on her housemates’ deep frying habits.

Until years later when Tony and I were living with another friend and he purchased the huge ones you could do turkey or chicken in… But that is another story for another day.