Whatever Happened To Richard Stabone aka Boner?

Ok so awhile back I designed my own survey for myspace because I thought they were all very lame. One of the questions I asked was whatever happened to Richard Stabone? Today, I am going to answer that question.First of all most of the people under 23 are saying, “Who the hell is Richard Stabone?”

Richard Stabone aka “Boner” was Mike Seaver’s dimwitted best friend on the show “Growing Pains”. The show aired from 1985-1992 and is known for some classic things. Leo Dicaprio really got his start on there as a homeless runaway that Mike Seaver (Kirk Cameron) found and brought home into the family. You also were able to see the most awkward puberty transformation in the history of television. Ben Seaver, who started as the cute little kid on the show transformed into a total awkward freak almost looking like an ogre.

To me though the real interesting thing about the show was it’s epic decline. The show was pretty solid for a crap situation comedy until like 1989 when Boner left. Then the shit hit the fan… They had a fourth kid one season then aged her like five years within the next one or two season to increase the cute factor. (Which is a major sign of “jumping the shark”.) Kirk Cameron found religion, which led to him trying to rewrite the show, you see his character was a smart ass, “cool” kid, which kind of schemed his way through life. But that all changed when Kirk found religion, he got many directors and writers fired over him trying to change his image to a role model. (I believe he became a teacher on the show and started doing “good things”.) He also got the actress that played the nanny to the fourth child fired because she had posed in playboy. Meanwhile Tracy Gold the actress that played the daughter Carol Seaver was battling a massive eating disorder in real life which was made obvious on the show when she went from slightly pudgy to wire thin. All in all the show went off the rails, which is entertaining in itself.

Now onto Richard Stabone aka Bone.

Boner just did and said stupid things… Giving us quotes like:

Coach Graham Lubbock: Why did these people give up all their things, and head west in covered wagons? Stabone.
Richard ‘Boner’ Stabone: ‘Cause if they headed east, they would have drowned?

Richard ‘Boner’ Stabone: Mike, a voice just came out of the radiator and it sounded a lot like God
[referring to handyman working in the basement]
Mike: No, Boner, that’s Jimmy
Richard ‘Boner’ Stabone: You call Him Jimmy?
Richard ‘Boner’ Stabone: [later]
[walks downstairs angrily]
Richard ‘Boner’ Stabone: Okay, what in the name of Jimmy is going on down here?

To me though he was the best “best friend” character on TV ever, well maybe next to the fat white kid that Rudy used to hang out with on the Cosby show. Anyways Boner decided to join the Marine Corps at the end of the 1989 season leaving the show forever.
It was a crushing blow, I was 12 at the time and it emotionally scared me for weeks. I legitimately felt bad because Boner wasn’t on the show anymore. I held out hope for years that he would return to the show but he never did. I always wanted to know what happened to Richard Stabone, did he even make it through basic training? Did he go Private Pyle on everyone like on “Full Metal Jacket”? Was he every deployed anywhere? Did he stay in the Marines? What did he do for a career? Did he get married and have kids?

Pondering this question has kept me up at night for the last 16 years of my life.

So here is what I think happened to Richard Stabone. Let’s break it down like a timeline.

1989- 18 years of age Richard Stabone enters the Marine Corps
1990-After making it through basic training with sniper status Stabone continues his training as a sniper. Because of his low IQ he is programmed into a stone cold killer, basically a government trained robot. He has no moral question about taking out targets, the Marines begin shifting him more towards covert ops.
1991- Stabone is basically shuffled around the globe for top secret missions, including killing small warlords in Africa, drug cartel members in Columbia, and some high profile Communist leaders.
1992- He is deployed to Somalia as part of a peace keeping force. While out on leave one night he meets French Diplomat Sophie Roy, they fall in love. She loves his simple minded antics; it reminds her of her retarded brother.
1993- Stabone finishes his commitment with the Marines. The CIA approachs him to work in one of their “Black Bag” groups, basically as an assassin. Stabone in love begins to morally question what he is doing but since he has no other life skill he agrees to join the CIA. Using his girlfriend’s diplomat status they are able to station him abroad, and help him set up a front as an international scout for the NBA.
1994- Richard and Sophie marry in a small ceremony in the French countryside. Sophie Stabone continues to rise through the ranks of French Diplomacy. Boner is given time to set up his front and establish credibility with the outside world he doesn’t do a job for the CIA for a year.
1995- Stabone’s career with the CIA begins to pick up. However his moral ambiguity is no longer there and he begins to wrestle with what he does for a living. He still does his job in an impressive fashion including killing a Belgian terrorist using nothing but a rubber band and silly putty. Sadly he begins to have trouble sleeping at night.
1996- Sophie and Richard welcome their first child into the world, Michael Stabone. Named after his best friend growing up Michael Seaver, Boner asks the CIA for a short period of leave to be with his wife and child. He avoids killing anyone for almost a year.
1997- Now 26 Stabone is considered one of the fastest up and comers in the CIA, and is handed the top jobs. However he has an addiction to sleeping pills and pain killers in order to deal with his job. His wife not knowing what he really does for a living begins to fear for he husbands health.
1998- The second child of the Stabone family is born, this time a little girl named Eloise. His wife is given a top diplomatic job in the Baltics. Stabone follows and is given a slew of jobs over the next couple of years dealing with the Russian mafia and rogue military leaders.
2000- Stabone sets a CIA record for kills in a two year period. He has become addicted to the pain medication he takes to dull his nerves. The relationship with his wife is fractured, and he promises to stop doing the drugs, but he can’t.
2001- A French secret agent is mowed down in a gun fight; Sophie is told by top French Intelligence that an American spy is actually responsible; they reveal his identity to be … Richard Stabone her husband. Shaken and disturbed by this news she takes their kids and disappears into a French protection program. At the exact same time Stabone is meeting with his bosses and telling them he wants to leave the agency. They agree to let him go and break complete ties with Stabone. Richard returns home from a “scouting trip” to a trap setup by the French spy agency, who also recruited the Russian Mafia so they can exact revenge. Boner barely makes it out of the house alive, suffering multiple bullet wounds; one to the right shoulder and one to the right leg. He must now make it out of the country without the help of the CIA, and with the police and mafia looking for him. He does so barely and goes to Asia to recover.
2002- Stabone is now left with nothing, no wife, no kids, and no job. He recoups in Asia and goes on a bender with hookers, heroin, and midgets. Falling into debt with the Yakuza he joins their gang as a top assassin and disappears into the underworld. Years go buy before he surfaces again.
2005- Stabone now a heatless, drug addicted, stone cold killer, is given an assignment to kill the French Diplomat responsible for helping cut opium running by the Yakuza. He accepts the job and goes to the Diplomat’s house. Only to find out it is his wife. Stabone meets her face to face and tells her that he is there to kill her. But he can’t because he still loves her. Sophie fearing for her life and not trusting her husband puts on a fake display of emotions and asks him to embrace her. Stabone approaches her and she stabs in the back with a letter opener from her desk, killing the top assassin in the world, her husband, and Mike Seaver’s best friend.

Now we know what has happened to Richard Stabone….