A Random Interview With Me

(I was asked by one of the people that read my blog if they could “interview” me. I figured sure why not and I liked the questions so I turned them into a blog. If anyone else wants do this go ahead, also if you have things you want me to comment on send them my way. I can’t promise that I will use them but I always am looking for different things to write about)

1. If you could enter the body/mind of any celebrity (a la “Being John Malkovich”) for a week, who would it be and what would you have them do?

I put a lot of thought into this one. I would want to be a woman because that wouldn’t be fun in the end, I just don’t think that seeing how the other half lives thing is worth wasting on this opportunity. Since the question is limited to celebrity it rules out politicians, which would probably be my first move because I would probably go with being the President, just so I can find out about; Kennedy, Area-51, and who shot JR, wait we already know that.

My answer to this question would be Brad Pitt. Here is my logic behind this. I would be transported into his body and the first thing I would do would be with sleep with Angelina Jolie a few times, see if she lives up to the hype, then dump her. Then I would set out into Hollywood and sleep with every hot girl I could find, I mean I am Brad “freaking” Pitt I shouldn’t even have to use a pick up line. I could just walk up to girls, smile, and say would you like to have sex with me? Married, single, lesbian it wouldn’t matter because I am Brad “freaking” Pitt. Of course while I am doing this I make sure the paparazzi would be catching me and taking pictures, the reasons why will be later revealed.

Next I would hit the Playboy Mansion and just run through the girls there. Since I mean this would really be the only chance in my life to go to the playboy mansion. I would call up a couple of porn stars and have them meet me out at some posh club in LA and just have a giant orgy with them, hell they can even film it and release it on the internet. Of course I would tell them that I want all proceeds to go to this guy Kevin, and I would provide them the information where to send the checks. Of course while doing all of this I will not be wearing a rubber, and the pull out method will be out of the question.

On my last night of being Brad Pitt, I will call up Paris Hilton tell her I want to hook up with her and film it. When she gets to my house I will get her naked, start hooking up with her and then stop… And say, “You know what you disgust me.” I will then grab her clothes and toss them out the front door, and tell her to leave. Next I will call up Fred Durst and kick the ever living shit out of him right in front of the paparazzi just for entertainments sake.

So in the end I will have done the following.

-knocked up like 30 girls in a week which has to be a world record

-be made to look like the biggest asshole ever in Hollywood making women across America think Brad Pitt is a dick

-embarrassed Paris Hilton

-turned Fred Durst into a bitch

-sent Kevin the profits to the highest grossing porn movie ever

2. In your opinion, who were the most underrated and overrated Muppets?

Overrated- Big Bird or Elmo… I am not a big fan of either

Underrated- The two old guys that sat in the balcony of the Muppet show and Guy Smiley….

3. You have a time machine and a gun with one bullet. Where do you go and who do you shoot?

Being a history major this really ended up confusing me. I mean I could have just gone with Hitler, lots of lives would be saved etc. But if I do that what effects does it have on the space time continuum? Would my grandparents have ever met? Would I have ever been born? Would the USA have turned into the super power that it is? It’s the whole “Back to the Future” issue, you can’t interact with people or it impacts the space time continuum. I mean if I did do it that would be the ultimate unselfish act because I would be killing someone and in the end potentially negating my existence. But I would have saved the lives of tons of people throughout the world and also could have potentially curbed any sort of potential middle east violence because Israel probably would never have been created at that point. Eh but what fun is that?

I would go with going back and offing Dave Coulier the guy that was the annoying smart ass uncle on “Full House”, I would take care of that before he started his career on “You Can’t Do That On Television”. By doing so he wouldn’t have slept with Alanis Morrisette so she would have never written “You Oughta Know” which would have kept her from becoming an overrated performing artist, also it would maybe have stopped “Full House” from ever being made and I would never have to listen to is hack ass jokes again.

4. If you were a huge rock star, what would your groupie policy consist of?

I have a friend back east that worked on the road crew for Marilyn Manson for a couple of tours. He had some stories that while funny, were some of the most disturbing shit I have ever heard or read. They would have girls shit in litter boxes in order to get back stage, of course the ones that did were herded to the room where they would never meet anyone. That really doesn’t answer the question but I figured I wanted to share that because it disturbs me yet makes me laugh every time I think about it.

5. And finally.. You are given the opportunity to produce your own series of “The Real World”. You can pick any 7castmates, past or present and place them in any city in the world. Who do you pick and where do you send them?

I wrote about this in a blog:

My All-Star Real World Blog

Although after thinking about it I would change Irene with Flora from the Real World:Miami. David would possibly be replaced with Ace or some guy that drinks way too much, maybe that guy from Real World San Diego that got tossed in jail.

As for a location… Prague in the Czech Republic, it is like Vegas on roids. Someone will be killed by the Russian mafia.

So I freely admit I am behind in my Real World watching. I have seen like two episodes since they were in Philly. The show has lost it’s sparkle to me because people are just bucking for careers on the Real World/Road Rules challenge. Seriously I envy these people to no end, when you have made a career out of showing up on a reality show for a month once a year you really have it made.