The Best of Random Thoughts

From time to time I do a blog called Random Thoughts, just about things I think about that wouldn’t make for a good blog… Here is some of my favorite things mentioned in Random Thoughts.

-I don’t like Usher… I don’t have a specific reason why I don’t like Usher. Maybe it is the one name thing, I don’t know if I like anyone with just one name, well Pele wasn’t bad and I can get down with Prince… So maybe that isn’t it… Well I just don’t like Usher. Screw backing up my rationale.

-Do you think fluffers put “erection technician” on their resume to class it up a bit?

-If I had washboard abs I would be so fucking self centered. I would look for a reason to take my shirt off as much as possible in public. Like if someone spilled their drink in a restaurant I would rip my shirt off and hand it to them saying, “Oh no use this, I’ll be fine.” So I would need to own a lot of shitty shirts because you really can’t ask for them back after giving it to someone to mop up spilled drinks.

-I feel gay when I read “Details” magazine… is that wrong?

-I still can’t get over the fact that Meryl Streep was in Bachelor Party…

-To be an Insane Clown Posse fan are you required to be severely overweight or malnourished? I don’t think there is an in between range.

-If you were superman and you had the ability to fly around the galaxy wouldn’t you be afraid you would get lost on your way back? It’s not like you have a map or anything when you are off in another galaxy… You can’t leave breadcrumbs…

-Why do Mexicans love fireworks so much? This is something I have noticed and there is no rational explanation about it. I grew out of the fireworks stage at age like 15… Every Mexican that I work with and the people that live around me have been shooting them off for two weeks straight.

-I think the whole “crunk” thing just passed by me.

-Did anyone ever think you would be saying Jamie Foxx and Oscar in the same breath? Seriously the guy was in fucking Booty Call.

-Why do white trashy type people like country and top 40 rap? I just don’t get it.

-Does it show that I have issues because I was hoping Peyton Manning wouldn’t play in the dodgeball section on the “Battle of the Gridiron Stars” because I didn’t want him to hurt is elbow and have a negative impact on my fantasy football team?

-I guess this question needs to be asked now. Which is more pathetic that I have a fantasy football team or was actually watching the “Battle of the Gridiron Stars”?

-if I was ever going to go into porn my name would be Craven Vag

-I think if I ever woke up and I was a women the first thing I would do is go into a ladies room and figure out what you can buy in the vending machines in there… It has to be more than tampons… Maybe some cool thing that us guys are losing out on. Or maybe I would just play with my breasts… ok who am I kidding.. it would be the breasts all the way

-How come none of the girls from “Just the Ten of Us” or “Step by Step” haven’t gone into porn? Reruns on USA and TBS can’t be paying the bills.

-I remember thinking the dance in “House Party” was fucking unbelievable. Kid n Play could tear it up.

-In a marathon who would lose a guy doing the running man or someone doing the moonwalk?