Swinger’s Club and Youth Soccer Team Clash at a Hotel

Soccer kids, swingers party at same hotel
ORLANDO (AP) – Some teenage soccer players and their parents saw more sights than they wanted when they stayed at a hotel where about 200 swingers were having a New Year’s party.

Paul Camporini brought his wife, seventh-grade daughter and eighth-grade son from Safety Harbor and said he had to “delicately explain to my Catholic school children that swingers change partners during the evening.”

“My biggest gripe is that the hotel had two distinctly different groups under the same roof,” said Camporini, 49. “A soccer team and middle-aged swingers should not have been booked together.”

The families said the sexually adventurous partygoers sometimes flashed breasts and bare buttocks in front of the children as they sashayed through the hotel atrium. The parents described the dress at the Crowne Plaza Hotel-Airport in Orlando as “raunchy, despicable and worse than prostitutes.”

“We thought we were coming to Orlando, not the Las Vegas Strip,” said Mark Gilbert, the father of a boy who plays on the Clearwater Chargers, a group of 13-and-under players from Florida.

The teams booked the $92-a-night rooms for Disney’s Soccer Showcase, and said hotel management did not tell them about the swingers’ party or try to keep the partygoers away from the children.

Hotel managers did not immediately respond to a call seeking comment Tuesday. All of the swingers had checked out of the hotel by late Sunday.

“We’re not prudes by any means,” said Rob Young of Greenville, S.C., who said his two daughters, Leah, 13 and Lauren, 11, asked questions he struggled to answer. “We would have liked to have been informed when we checked into the hotel so we could have made other arrangements.

“The kids could see through the glass atrium into the ballroom where naked people were dancing. There were exposed breasts, thongs and see-through dresses on women who were not wearing any underwear.”

Young said he complained to hotel management and to John Hollis, an off-duty Orlando police officer hired by the hotel for a New Year’s Eve security detail. He said neither did anything to help.

Lt. John Mina, a watch commander for the Orlando Police Department, said Hollis didn’t witness anything illegal.

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The AP leaves so much out. I have so many questions that are unanswered by this article.

1) What was the gender of the soccer team? At first when I read this I figured if it was a boys soccer team then who really cares, because they would have spank bank material the rest of their lives. But then I thought back to whenever I would see swingers on like “HBO’s Real Sex” and they were always middle aged people with beer guts. So I figured that these boys could actually be emotionally scared for the rest of their lives.

And what is the deal with swingers not being attractive? I have an actual theory on this. I think that the first couple of times that swingers clubs were open a few attractive people went and they were in such demand by the beer guy guys that they decided to not go back thus ruining swingers clubs for attractive people for the rest of time. Or maybe they are super hot people but when HBO comes around to film the people that run the group of club are always like, “Send beer gut Carl and his wife horse face Janice… That way nobody will want to come to these and we can be happy with our group.”

2) What happened at the pool? You know when you are traveling with kids or when you were a kid and you checked into a hotel that you wanted to use the pool. Even more so if you didn’t have one at home, it was the one thing you wanted to do at the hotel as kid more then anything. So you know these kids used the pool as much as possible. Usually at the pool is the little hot tub… Swingers in hotel, hot tub… Is there anything swingers like more then hot tubs? Well besides sex.

Imagine the questions that had to be answered then… “Mommy what are they doing over there?” “Oh dear the lifeguard is just giving that woman mouth to mouth to save her, um now he is switching with the other lifeguard to help that woman. Now he is um, well, he is on top of her to get her lung working… OH GOD WE NEED TO GO BACK TO THE ROOM.”

3) In that last sentence of the piece it said that the off duty cop that was hired by the hotel to do security didn’t witness anything illegal. No shit. You know he was renting out of handcuffs and probably got in on it. Let me set the scene for you: local cop, off duty, alone on New Years Eve, walking around a hotel at a swinger’s convention. It sounds like the start of a porno movie to me. Okay that wasn’t really a question.

4) How uncomfortable was the continental breakfast the next day? Could you hear a needle drop at that point? Do you think one of the kids went up to get butter for his English muffin and was told they are all out?
Son: “Dad there is no butter for the English muffin.”
Dad: “Okay son let me get the waiter. Waiter, how come there is no butter, how can you guys be out of butter?”
Waiter: “Well sir apparently that gentlemen on table 12 came down and raided our supply of butter, it has something to do with that party last night. He said something about 3 girls a couple of guys and making a slip and slide.”
Dad: “That son of a bitch.”

5) Since the teams stayed in the hotel longer did the kids explore the hotel a little after the swinger convention? You know kids wander around the hotel, pretend to use the gym, see what free stuff then can grab, and think about how much more they can use to the pool. Do you think maybe they walked around and stumbled across the ball room.

Kid: Dad you will never guess what I found
Dad: What son.
Kid: I found one of those Darth Maul light sabers from the first star wars, you know the double ended one. It’s kind of flimsy though, what’s wrong with it?
Dad: Oh my god, give me that.
Kid: But Dad.
Dad: It’s not a light saber son… it’s a double ended dildo.

See I think the article would be much more interesting if the AP actually asked these questions. I mean this is all the stuff I wanted to know.