So I decided to do a year end blog covering all the exciting things that happened this year… Well ok let me change that to pointless things that entertained me. But before I jump into that I need a question answered. If the Duke Boys in the Dukes of Hazzard: The Movie are supposed to be idiots then why did they drop a reference to The Usual Suspects? Sean William Scott said, “Then she up’d and pulled a Keyser Soze.” I just don’t get it.
Anyways my year end awards:
Person to lose the most respect in the eyes of the American public Award:
George Bush, actually who wants to write about him there are enough political blogs out there….
The winner is:
“We don’t have a date yet, [but we have] big, big plans. We talk about it. I really didn’t know that there were so many wedding magazines. I said, ‘Are you kidding me? There are things for the flowers, the cake, the dresses…’”
- on preparing for his wedding to Katie Holmes
The fall of an icon happened right before our eyes on national TV.
It was like the Oswald murder but for the entertainment industry. People will be able to tell you where they were when it happened. Has anyone that used to be cool become un-cool so quick?
No Matter How Much Weight They Lose They Will Never Be Attractive Award Goes To:
Kirstie Alleyis a fucking train wreck… I don’t care if you like “Fat Actress” or whatever she is a pig… The best though is listening to all her interviews, where she drops jems like:
“I haven’t wanted to have sex. I truly consider that sex probably screwed up my life more than any single action that I ever experienced.”
Actually Kirstie I think it was your inability to put down that bag of fucking Fritos.
The Person I Most Hope Gets Hit By A Bus Award:
My distaste for Paris Hilton can be summed up in many different ways and I am not going to piss away my time trying to do it.
The Award For Things I Don’t Give a Shit About:
-”Everybody Loves Raymond” went off of the air, I can honestly say that I never watched the show while it was on CBS and I don’t feel a tinge of sadness.-Martha going to jail… Don’t care… Robert Blake.. the bitch kind of deserved it, don’t care, Michael Jackson… nothing shocking don’t care… Although the whole “Jesus Juice” thing was kind of funny
-Carrie Underwood won American Idol… I couldn’t pick her out of a police lineup. Even if everyone else in the lineup was offensive linemen.
-Oprah was on for her 25th year… Guess what I don’t care. I mean the lady brought us Dr. Phil… Yeah she gave away cars, got people reading again, but she brought us Dr. Phil.
But Dr Philwas involved in:
The Greatest Celeb Scandal of the Year:
So here is a guy that makes his living covering shitty Hollywood bullshit stories, like where celebrities like to go bowling or whatever. He gets a hard on when they have some celebrity trial or controversy, usually adding fuel to the flame. Then he gets caught leaving messages to women like:
Fuckin sexy.. I wanna fuckin go crazy with you….. so uhm….. I wanna fuckin go crazy with you
Saved Message Sunday 7:09pm
You are so fucking hot… and I wanna eat you…. and I want you to suck my cock.. I wanna fuck you… and I want my girlfriend to eat you… So fuckin hot.. you are fuckin hot…. Lets do it…. you are so fucking hot…. Please leave me a voice mail… go to the bathroom and leave me a voice mail… Bye
Saved Message Sunday 7:48pm
I am so fucking into you.. but Betsy’s so jealous but… let’s fuckin have sex and I wanna lick your pussy and suck your tits… But you have to be into Betsy… I told Betsy that you were into her…. and if you get this message look at me and say yes… God, I wanna fuckin lick your pussy and make you come so much… and get crazy…. I don’t know why I’m like this but… I want you badly and I know you want me… but you have to be with Betsy too… so when you get this message… if you agree with me say yes
Saved Message Sunday 7:51pm
You’re so fuckin hot… Just… look…if you agree with anything I’ve said, just say yes to me.. or wink.. I wanna fuckin go crazy with you.. drive you nuts
Saved Message Sunday 8:34pm
Hey it’s me. I am so fuckin into you and you have to pay attention to Betsy, but let’s have fun… I wanna fuckin eat you and fuck you and.. suck your tits and.. watch you eat Betsy and.. lick your ass… I’m so fuckin into you it’s incredible… uhm.. Check this message and then just say to me… yes.. and Jess can watch us.. let’s just fuckin have fun I’m so fuckin into you you’re so fuckin hot.. and I don’t do this for a living this is like new to me… but I want to fuckin.. make you crazy. Bye.
Saved Message Sunday 9:04pm
Hey it’s me… uhm… You’re so fuckin hot.. uhm… Betsy’s like all of a sudden.. not into it, but.. if the three of us can get together I wanna fuckin suck your pussy… talk dirty to you… I want you and Betsy to eat each other… suck my cock… beat off in your face… heh… get another woman up… hire a hooker.. let’s get crazy.. get some coke…. so when you get this message…. if you agree with this just look at me and say yes.. God, you’re so fuckin hot… I don’t know what’s wrong with me… I don’t do this.. but I fuckin want to just.. fuckin.. make.. you…crazy… make you fuckin crazy… I have to convince Betsy that you’re into her.. I wanna watch you guys make out.. so when you get this message, if you agree with me… I don’t know why my phone doesn’t take messages by the way… we can have any of these fuckin hookers, too… let’s just fuckin have sex and fun.. drugs.. fuck and… eat.. go crazy.. Bye.. If you agree with me… look at me and wink or say yes or something.. and Jess can watch that sexiness…
So let’s sum this up:
This Guy on a Coke Binge:
Leaves messages like: “watch you eat Betsy and.. lick your ass”
I would just like to say it will never get to old to me. Pat O’Brien rules.
Most Pointless So Called Celebrity News, That Was Considered New But Wasn’t (Tie):
Sulu coming out of the closet…My Take on The SuluStory
Cherryl Swoopscoming out of the closet ..The Cherryl Swoops Story
This just in: Dick Clarkis old, Carrot Top is not funny, Pam Anderson has fake tits, and George Bush is not smart.
Runner up: Kate Mosswas doing coke… Wow a supermodel doing coke, I would have never even thought that. I mean it would be like a rock star doing smack, oh wait nevermind.
My Favorite Non-Celeb Related News Story of the Year:
I have to say the whole hot teacher female teacher banging younger student is something that:
a) Will never get old
b) Creates so many questions
c) Seems to only happen in Florida…. What the fuck is going on down there?
Runner Up: The New Type of Cool Mom