Damn You Jessica Alba…

Jessica Alba you need to stop…

I can’t take it anymore… First Sin City where you are an exotic dancer and now you have forced me to sit through “Into the Blue” for two hours, two hours that I will never get back again which really kind of sucks.

Jessica Alba it is because of you… I had to sit through shitty Scott Caan and Paul Walker acting for two hours… Just because you look hot in a bikini. Watching Paul Walker act is like watching a retarded kid do Hamlet, it isn’t all that entertaining and it is very cruel. And Scott Can is like 3 feet tall. I am convinced he is a dwarf.

In those two hours I could have:

-read a book

-volunteered to help the needy

-had sex

-gone on a date

-cooked an entire dinner for 8

-sent out thank you cards for Christmas presents

-wrote letters to friends I don’t keep in touch with

-learn how to do the running man properly

-played a game of monopoly

-watched a good movie

But instead I watched a movie because I thought I could see
your nipples through your bikini.

So Jessica Alba I DEMAND that in the year 2006 you do a movie with full frontal nudity. That is the only way you can make up for this. Well I could think of other ways but it wouldn’t be legal in most states and while I hate to admit it you might be a tad out of my league.