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The Evil That Is Dive Bar Karaoke

By: Bobby Finstock on 12/15/05 @ 8:09 pm

What is the deal with dive bar karaoke?

Have I totally missed the boat on that? Where I lived in NY there were like 9 bars in the college town, only one had karaoke and it was during happy hour on Friday. Where if I was drunk enough I would do a hauntingly good version of [tag]Johnny Cash[/tag]’s “Ring of Fire”, but that is a different story for a different time.

Back on track… It seems like a lot of bars of questionable quality (I wouldn’t call them dive bars per say) have karaoke. Some even across the street from each other, which really doesn’t make sense to me, you would think that one would want to go for the karaoke crowd and the other one not so much. Karaoke when done with a semblance of talent is tolerable, sometimes people that can actually sing get up there and belt out a toon. It’s good fun for everyone involved. The one drunken group of friends that get together to do one song, also can be good fun if done once or twice. Any more then that it becomes slightly grating and annoying.

With karaoke there are a few things that become really important so the event doesn’t become completely annoying.

1-Song selection- The other night I was out and I went to two bars, both places had karaoke going on. The first place was playing going with mostly classic rock, Marley, and some other random standard karaoke type songs. The second place was playing mostly modern rock… and some bad r and b. The first place was much more enjoyable. Because you kind of already know what you are kidding with the standard karaoke type stuff, the modern rock one brings up so many possibly bad songs. I don’t want to hear someone sing “what’s my age again” by Blink 182, or do a horrible rendition of “Sex and Candy” by Marcy’s Playground. Even if they were done well, which they weren’t, I still don’t know if I really wanted to hear those songs. Oh and it is never okay to do “Baby’s Got Back” by Sir Mix A lot… Ever… EVER… do you understand me?

2-Keep the drunk asshole away from the microphone- There is nothing worse then going to a place that really doesn’t have a lot of people doing the karaoke thing, and one person dominating it because nobody else really wants to sing. If the person was excellent at it, maybe it would be a different story. But when the person is drunk and has no talent the level of annoying is through the roof. Because at that point you are subject not only to their lack of talent, their drunken mumblings, but also probably a rather poor song selection. The other night I heard a drunk guy sing multiple Alice in Chains songs… While I like Alice in Chains I don’t know if I want to hear five minutes of wailing. He sounded like two dogs fucking while getting hit by a semi.

3-Volume and is it worth it- First of all the volume of karaoke should not be ear splitting. I don’t get that, it’s not like it is a band, it is a drunk annoying person singing. Second of all if only like 3 people are getting up and singing out of a bar of even lets say 30 then it is time to shut the karaoke down and but on regular music. Three people should not infringe on the happiness of everyone else. Or the mental sanity I should say.

I still don’t the whole karaoke thing… I don’t think I ever will…..

Filed in: My Life

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

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