I Think I Want A Crazy Friend
Sometimes I wish that I had a crazy ass friend that is way into conspiracy theories. Like thinks that there is a shadow government. Doesn’t believe in talking on phones because he thinks someone is listening at all times. Maybe he occasionally wears tin foil on his head to prevent alien mind reading. Or he could have theories about how cat food is really loaded with the remains of people that had weird government experiments on them.
Seriously though how fun would a friend like this be? No matter what happens to you during your day he is going to make you feel better.
Me: “Damn I got caught by a camera saying I ran a red light.”
Him: “You know those cameras are used to track you and get FBI photos of you and your car. They only send out tickets as a cover for what they really are.”
Me: “Oh so I really didn’t run it! Damn that government conspiracy!”
I think it would be a nice thing to have.
Of course I wouldn’t let him know where I lived. He would be more of a drop by his house kind of friend. I think he might get annoying during holiday time… Possibly telling me things like the government spikes the alcohol on new years with test hormones to see if they can cause us to get sick throughout the year. Like if you drink captain and coke at a certain bar that night you will have a drug slipped into your drink that will make sure you will get strep on February second. If you drink a white Russian you might get bronchitis on the 7th of April.
See I would be disappointed and depressed if he was spouting that shit off to me during the holidays.
Maybe I don’t want a crazy friend.
