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Things Everyone Should Know

By: Bobby Finstock on 10/31/05 @ 9:57 pm

So on my way into work today there was one of those roadside signs that the police use for traffic, [tag]amber alerts[/tag], etc…

The sign read “Help prevent auto theft” then it flashed “Don’t leave keys in ignition” ………

All I have to say is if you leave your keys in the ignition in general or a car running while you run into a store you deserve to have your car stolen. You are a fucking idiot.

The thing is though I think this would be rather obvious but the police department felt the need to post this. So that leads me to believe that maybe it isn’t obvious. It leads me to believe that people are rather stupid, and that they actually need to be told this. So here is a list of things that I consider obvious that maybe the general public does not. Consider this my good deed for the decade.

1) Don’t leave the extra key to your house under your doormat. It is pretty much the most obvious place on the face of the earth, if your house gets robbed because of it you should have to sell your house below market value and live in a cardboard box.

2) Never eat   KFC   because it is going to give you the shits. No matter how good of an idea you think it is at that time you will regret eating KFC…. You think it won’t happen but it will. And when you are sitting on the dumper you will swear off eating KFC but then you get the craving again 4-6 months later. I think it is biscuits.

3) Staying on fast food chicken…. If you are near a Popeye’s you are not in a good area. I have never seen a Popeye’s that wasn’t located in a shitty area. In fact I think it is a requirement while franchising. So if you are lost and see a Popeye’s you know you better lock the car door.

4) Water and electronics never mix… Period.

5) You can’t microwave foil…And yes the Philadelphia cream cheese wrapper is foil.

6) You can’t leave Chinese food sitting out in your apartment for more then an hour because the smell will never go away.

7) Wrestling is fake….. Just so you know.

I think I will add to this as I think of new things.

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

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