My Dream Last Night: Dane Cook, Lesbians, and Deaf Hockey Players

Ok I had one of my patented weird Kevin dreams last night. I think this one tops the Sam Jackson at Walmart one…

I am going to give people that were involved in this dream generic name to protect their identity so they don’t feel weird that I posted it.

Ok so I was talking to this girl Jane (name has been changed to protect the innocent) and I was on my way to see Dane Cook on this college campus. She was going to the same complex but instead was going to see a movie. She said she would sneak into the show after her movie was done. So the Dane Cook show went on forever. (He just recently released a two cd set and he was doing jokes from the set.) So Jane snuck in and sat down near me. She asked me why the show was going on so long. On the stage a nurse (I have no idea why a nurse came out) came out and said, “I know you are wondering when this show is going to end, so here is the finale.”

Dane Cook came out just wearing a sock on his unit and he had a can of cashews. (Ok this requires explanation. At the end of his cd he talks about waking up in the middle of the night and having a huge boner. So he was walking to fridge and he saw a jar of cashews. He looked at his dick and then looked at the jar of cashews and says, “Let’s do this.” So he put a cashew at the end of this dick and flicked it up into his mouth. It’s a lot funnier on the cd but I needed to explain it so I didn’t look totally gay here.) Mr. Cook explains that he is going to do the cashew trick now for the audience. He goes to remove the sock off of his unit and I look away. Jane says that he is huge, and I said yeah like that’s ok… I don’t need to see that. Then Jane says that Jack (name has been changed to protect the innocent) was on stage with Dane Cook. I decided to look up and when I did Dane’s junk was blurred out. Thank god for dream censorship. He was punching the munchkin on stage explaining that the little guy had stage fright and he had to get it up in order to perform his trick. While he is flogging the dolphin he is still telling jokes and Jack is behind him talking to the nurse. Jane and I were trying to figure out why Jack was on stage. Finally Dane gets it up and is explaining how he is going to do the trick, Jack steps forward and reaches out his index finger and touches Dane’s unit. Almost to see if it is real I guess. Jack then says, “HAHA I just touched Dane Cook’s dick.” Dane punched him in the face and decided to cancel the show.

So Jane and I were leaving the theatre and this random girl walked up to Jane and started talking to her. It was the girl from HBO’s “Entourage” that is the owner of the talent agencies daughter. Here is her pic:

Jane and this girl are talking, while I am slightly walking in front of Jane holding her hand. So we go over a bridge and the girl stops and says, “This is where I get off.” Jane let’s go of my hand and tells me to keep going because she doesn’t want to me to watch what is going to happen. I stood there for a second confused and then she yelled at me to keep going. So I kept walking off of the bridge which for some reason bent around a corner. When I got around the corner I sneaked a peek back and they were totally making out. This girl from “Entourage” was like way taller then Jane who is already pretty tall. When that happened though the dream like paused for a second and I was saying to myself. “This is a dream” Then it kept going. I was saying that it was hot at the same time I was getting pissed off. So I decided not to wait for Jane even though we had a class together and I went to class anyways. Our class was in the hockey arena on campus which was hosting a huge youth hockey tournament. Apparently there were like 10 ice rinks at this hockey arena with class rooms mixed in. I saw a flyer for the hockey tournament and it said it was for deaf schools only.

Anyways I find the class room for what I think was a health class and everyone was split into groups of four. I sat down in my group and started talking to the guy next to me how I was pissed off that I was ditched for a girl and blah, blah, blah. At this point I was slurring my speech and I was drunk… (I have no idea why) Well Jane showed up for class and sat with a group in the back. So class went on and then I fell asleep in class and woke up the next day in the same class room in a recliner instead of my desk. Jane was on the floor in a sleeping bag. I stepped over Jane and she woke up and asked me if we were going to talk about this. I nodded my head and said after I got back from going to the bathroom. So I walked out of the room and started walking through the halls to find a bathroom. Finally I found one but it was like a phone booth but with those cheap dressing room type doors. You go into it and the toilet is right there it wasn’t a full bathroom; if you stand the door doesn’t shut all the way. I was really made because the door wouldn’t shut so I left it open while I pissed. When I got out of the bathroom I kept smashing the door trying to get it to close behind me when a deaf lady walked up and started yelling at me in that mute type voice. I totally couldn’t understand her and I was all freaked out and I woke up.

So what the fuck does that dream mean?