The Failed Seduction of Kevin

(Ok so I got a random message while I was at work. I was reading about the NHL draft and I got this message.So I looked at the profile and they were a male from Malibu. It starts out slow but it gets awful…. Let me remind everyone I am a straight male…… )
jeckinsjarod: hey u in oxnard?

kp2575: yeah jeckinsjarod: where bouts?
kp2575: near where the cowboys train jeckinsjarod: wheres that?
kp2575: near the golf course kp2575: why? jeckinsjarod: oic
jeckinsjarod: what u into?kp2575: uh why?jeckinsjarod: just wondering

(Ok the red flag went up at this point….. Let’s see if there is a reason to be alarmed.)

kp2575: sports, music, movies, women (had to throw that in there)
jeckinsjarod: cool kp2575: you? jeckinsjarod: pretty much the same
kp2575: cool jeckinsjarod: kinda horny though kp2575: yeah and?
jeckinsjarod: do u want to jack off? kp2575: no not really
kp2575: I am at work

(I guess the sarcastic tone in which I said that really didn’t come across…)
jeckinsjarod: what time u leaving? kp2575: probably 8 or so
jeckinsjarod: ill be alone that time u can come by kp2575: a- I don’t know b- I don’t like guyskp2575: how did you get my sn

(Totall my bad here… I didn’t need reason A just could have went with reason B)

jeckinsjarod: just that though i mean i have gf jeckinsjarod: yahoo members
jeckinsjarod: it will be discrete dude kp2575: lmao kp2575: give her a call
jeckinsjarod: nah jeckinsjarod: shes not around kp2575: don’t know what to tell you then jeckinsjarod: itll be hot man, i mean nothing will go wrong

(Uh…. What was he thinking that I was thinking? It wierds me out. Like I thought something would fall on us or a car would explode or something.)

kp2575: lol jeckinsjarod: lol, come by after work kp2575: really it is ok
kp2575: I am not interested jeckinsjarod: come on man kp2575: does this actually work for you jeckinsjarod: please kp2575: have you actually picked someone up this way? jeckinsjarod: nah, kp2575: didn’t think so
jeckinsjarod: i just saw u online and saw u from oxnardjeckinsjarod: dude trust me on this jeckinsjarod: its not what u think, i just want to do it and kick it kp2575: right

(At this point I decided to start having a little fun because I figured I could post this as a blog…. good times.)

jeckinsjarod: yeah? kp2575: nah… I mean this approach is all wrong
kp2575: come on… at least come at me with something better then that
kp2575: I can’t even believe you have a girlfriend, if you used the same shit to pick her up…. jeckinsjarod: dude i have, im just so horned up and shes out of state kp2575: come with something better thoughkp2575: I mean this whole approach just blows jeckinsjarod: what else u want me to say?
kp2575: see the whole thing started out on a sour note… I mean a random guy im’ing me that I don’t know kp2575: then you just ask the random like what are you into… what did you think I was going to say… meeting guys off of the internet and nailing them? jeckinsjarod: lol
kp2575: plus you throw the offer out there… and all I can think about is prison sex kp2575: like I am going to be a cum dumpster or something
kp2575: and that doesn’t sound appealing kp2575: I mean I have never been with a guy… if you are trying to convert me you need to do a hell of a lot better sales job then that jeckinsjarod: ok jeckinsjarod: im just not good at that sorry jeckinsjarod: i mean its my first time offering this
kp2575: I mean I would brush up on your game
kp2575: maybe refine your approach

(I figure I would help the guy out. For his next victim…)

jeckinsjarod: i mean at least u could tell im not an expert and i dont really do this kp2575: I am not an expert kp2575: but I am not a moron
jeckinsjarod: thats more scary jeckinsjarod: yeah its all good dude sorry
kp2575: I mean whoever you approach after this kp2575: at least butter em up jeckinsjarod: i dont really do this man, u were the first
jeckinsjarod: it just came to my mind to offer u like out of the blue when i felt horny kp2575: yeah well kp2575: maybe jerk off clear the brain and then approach kp2575: I am just trying to help jeckinsjarod: well then im not going to offer after jerking off coz all the feeling was gone already then
kp2575: yeah I guess the pure desperation would be gone jeckinsjarod: well yeah kp2575: you should just call the girl and get the phone sex
kp2575: or find a slutty girl on the net kp2575: I mean where did this whole guy thing come from? jeckinsjarod: nah its cool dude thanks though
kp2575: well good luck jeckinsjarod: it just came up when my cock came hard while chatting with u kp2575: interesting… I guess you get excited when a stiff wind hits you

(I totally wanted to vomit at this point.)

jeckinsjarod: lol well sometimes kp2575: not a good sign…. jeckinsjarod: so would it still be possible for u to come over later? kp2575: hell hasn’t frozen over yet jeckinsjarod: ok jeckinsjarod: how about if i offer sucking u? kp2575: unless you have breasts and a vagina no go jeckinsjarod: lol jeckinsjarod: come on man i will suck u good
kp2575: no really that is ok… kp2575: are you like a pro or something
jeckinsjarod: no i just want to meet u, u sound cool kp2575: I am very cool but no kp2575: how old are you anyways jeckinsjarod: 25
kp2575: so let me ask you how many guys have you been with?
jeckinsjarod: honestly i had an experience once but all we did was jacked off kp2575: well then how do I know you will be any good? again you aren’t selling yourself very well jeckinsjarod: lol, dude i feel like it so hard to tell u stuff jeckinsjarod: u always have something to say jeckinsjarod: im just being honest and str8 here kp2575: you are being FAR from straight
jeckinsjarod: by watching tv and porns u could learn kp2575: lol
kp2575: ok well I gotta get back to work

(So now I understand how shitty it is for women that get hit on by guys over the net, with no game… Oh and now I can say I have been hit on by a guy for a prolonged period of time. Wait that is not something good… Um.. yeah so that fun… UGH.. shoot me.. I need to go watch girl on girl porn now.)