Holy Shit People Really Do Eat Cornnuts

So I was sitting in class today and after break the girl that sits next to me came back from the vending machine with cornnuts. Now I know cornnuts exist, I have seen them in the gas station and even the supermarket. The thing is I have never actually seen anyone purchase them let alone eat them. I figured that maybe they were all made in the 50’s and they just sat on the shelf since then… They could be like twinkies one of two food types that would make it through a nuclear blast. Also I have no idea what they are. Are they corn or are they nuts or a genetic combination of the two? If I wasn’t such a pussy I would buy a back and maybe run experiments on them. But what if I chip a tooth on this food made in the fifties? The company probably isn’t around so I would have no one to take to court.

One thing I noticed is that cornnuts smell…. Very pungent. So instead of listening to my professor speak I decided to figure out if cornnuts are the worst smelling snack food of all time…

I think the list would have to go like this….

1) Doritos… I defy anyone out there to have three chips and not have their breath smell like complete and utter ass. It is physically impossible. I believe that the company that makes Doritos also makes gum and breath mint products. So when they were creating Doritos in a lab the head guy probably thought, “You know we could make these make your breath smell like a possum you ran over three weeks ago because if we do that people will buy our gum.”

2) Cornnuts- I believe that they are 50 years old and anything you eat that is 50 years old can’t smell good… Simple logic on that one.

3) Fritos- The annoying cousin of Doritos… Same concept except to add insult to injury everything you taste for like 4 hours after that tastes like fritos… The taste and smell do not go away…. Ever…. Thus whatever the person eats rest of the day smells like a combination of the two… “What the hell Jeff? Your breath smells like a combination of Fritos and sardines….” You know stuff like that…

You know what… I am buying a pack of cornnuts… I will do an experiment on it and I will post the results with pictures this weekend…. In the name of science… of course…