2005 July | Pointless Banter

Archive for July, 2005

The Failed Seduction of Kevin

Published by Kevin on July 30, 2005 in My Life. 2 Comments

(Ok so I got a random message while I was at work. I was reading about the NHL draft and I got this message.So I looked at the profile and they were a male from Malibu. It starts out slow but it gets awful…. Let me remind everyone I am a straight male…… )
jeckinsjarod: hey u in oxnard?

kp2575: yeah jeckinsjarod: where bouts?
kp2575: near where the cowboys train jeckinsjarod: wheres that?
kp2575: near the golf course kp2575: why? jeckinsjarod: oic
jeckinsjarod: what u into?kp2575: uh why?jeckinsjarod: just wondering

(Ok the red flag went up at this point….. Let’s see if there is a reason to be alarmed.)

kp2575: sports, music, movies, women (had to throw that in there)
jeckinsjarod: cool kp2575: you? jeckinsjarod: pretty much the same
kp2575: cool jeckinsjarod: kinda horny though kp2575: yeah and?
jeckinsjarod: do u want to jack off? kp2575: no not really
kp2575: I am at work

(I guess the sarcastic tone in which I said that really didn’t come across…)
jeckinsjarod: what time u leaving? kp2575: probably 8 or so
jeckinsjarod: ill be alone that time u can come by kp2575: a- I don’t know b- I don’t like guyskp2575: how did you get my sn

(Totall my bad here… I didn’t need reason A just could have went with reason B)

jeckinsjarod: just that though i mean i have gf jeckinsjarod: yahoo members
jeckinsjarod: it will be discrete dude kp2575: lmao kp2575: give her a call
jeckinsjarod: nah jeckinsjarod: shes not around kp2575: don’t know what to tell you then jeckinsjarod: itll be hot man, i mean nothing will go wrong

(Uh…. What was he thinking that I was thinking? It wierds me out. Like I thought something would fall on us or a car would explode or something.)

kp2575: lol jeckinsjarod: lol, come by after work kp2575: really it is ok
kp2575: I am not interested jeckinsjarod: come on man kp2575: does this actually work for you jeckinsjarod: please kp2575: have you actually picked someone up this way? jeckinsjarod: nah, kp2575: didn’t think so
jeckinsjarod: i just saw u online and saw u from oxnardjeckinsjarod: dude trust me on this jeckinsjarod: its not what u think, i just want to do it and kick it kp2575: right

(At this point I decided to start having a little fun because I figured I could post this as a blog…. good times.)

jeckinsjarod: yeah? kp2575: nah… I mean this approach is all wrong
kp2575: come on… at least come at me with something better then that
kp2575: I can’t even believe you have a girlfriend, if you used the same shit to pick her up…. jeckinsjarod: dude i have, im just so horned up and shes out of state kp2575: come with something better thoughkp2575: I mean this whole approach just blows jeckinsjarod: what else u want me to say?
kp2575: see the whole thing started out on a sour note… I mean a random guy im’ing me that I don’t know kp2575: then you just ask the random like what are you into… what did you think I was going to say… meeting guys off of the internet and nailing them? jeckinsjarod: lol
kp2575: plus you throw the offer out there… and all I can think about is prison sex kp2575: like I am going to be a cum dumpster or something
kp2575: and that doesn’t sound appealing kp2575: I mean I have never been with a guy… if you are trying to convert me you need to do a hell of a lot better sales job then that jeckinsjarod: ok jeckinsjarod: im just not good at that sorry jeckinsjarod: i mean its my first time offering this
kp2575: I mean I would brush up on your game
kp2575: maybe refine your approach

(I figure I would help the guy out. For his next victim…)

jeckinsjarod: i mean at least u could tell im not an expert and i dont really do this kp2575: I am not an expert kp2575: but I am not a moron
jeckinsjarod: thats more scary jeckinsjarod: yeah its all good dude sorry
kp2575: I mean whoever you approach after this kp2575: at least butter em up jeckinsjarod: i dont really do this man, u were the first
jeckinsjarod: it just came to my mind to offer u like out of the blue when i felt horny kp2575: yeah well kp2575: maybe jerk off clear the brain and then approach kp2575: I am just trying to help jeckinsjarod: well then im not going to offer after jerking off coz all the feeling was gone already then
kp2575: yeah I guess the pure desperation would be gone jeckinsjarod: well yeah kp2575: you should just call the girl and get the phone sex
kp2575: or find a slutty girl on the net kp2575: I mean where did this whole guy thing come from? jeckinsjarod: nah its cool dude thanks though
kp2575: well good luck jeckinsjarod: it just came up when my cock came hard while chatting with u kp2575: interesting… I guess you get excited when a stiff wind hits you

(I totally wanted to vomit at this point.)

jeckinsjarod: lol well sometimes kp2575: not a good sign…. jeckinsjarod: so would it still be possible for u to come over later? kp2575: hell hasn’t frozen over yet jeckinsjarod: ok jeckinsjarod: how about if i offer sucking u? kp2575: unless you have breasts and a vagina no go jeckinsjarod: lol jeckinsjarod: come on man i will suck u good
kp2575: no really that is ok… kp2575: are you like a pro or something
jeckinsjarod: no i just want to meet u, u sound cool kp2575: I am very cool but no kp2575: how old are you anyways jeckinsjarod: 25
kp2575: so let me ask you how many guys have you been with?
jeckinsjarod: honestly i had an experience once but all we did was jacked off kp2575: well then how do I know you will be any good? again you aren’t selling yourself very well jeckinsjarod: lol, dude i feel like it so hard to tell u stuff jeckinsjarod: u always have something to say jeckinsjarod: im just being honest and str8 here kp2575: you are being FAR from straight
jeckinsjarod: by watching tv and porns u could learn kp2575: lol
kp2575: ok well I gotta get back to work

(So now I understand how shitty it is for women that get hit on by guys over the net, with no game… Oh and now I can say I have been hit on by a guy for a prolonged period of time. Wait that is not something good… Um.. yeah so that fun… UGH.. shoot me.. I need to go watch girl on girl porn now.)

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Neo Myspace Celebs

Published by Kevin on July 29, 2005 in Myspace.com. 0 Comments

You know something that really has been bugging me is the whole myspace pseudo celebrity thing.

I just don’t understand how people have become like web celebrities off of posting a few whorish pictures on myspace? I mean it has turned into a cottage industry. Maybe I am just jealous because I didn’t think of it first. Or maybe I feel inadequate because I don’t have 350000 friends.

Let’s start with this skank, Forbidden:

Forbidden

Ugh I don’t even know where to start. I know she is at a lot of LA shows and I have heard stories about her. Not very flattering… Plus just wears too much makeup but whatever. I don’t understand how all these people flock to her site and give her comments, like she really cares what these people think.

What really bugs me is her lame as poetry she has posted on her site. I am not saying I am an amazing writer or anything like that but how come any girl that gets a journal and writes suddenly think that they are a poet? Please keep this shit to yourself. This is the major downfall of the blog era… To much shitty poetry being spewed about… Not a good thing.

Well the good news is she is building her own website! So all the underage boys can go and drool over her on her own page. And guess what she isn’t going to make it a paysite. (Of course when she needs money the nude pics will go up in a pay section.)

Next up on my list, Tila Tequila aka Media Whore.:

Tila Tequila

Now this girl looks like a train wreck without makeup. Her music blows big time… Yet she is on like on every freaking webpage. It drives me nuts. I guess her saving grace is that she was on “Surviving Nugent” So basically she was a realty show whore that has branched out into other media. I guess it is kind of like diversifying your investments.

I feel bad for people with real talent that aren’t media whores…

Finally Brian From Myspace:

Brian From MySpace

I guess he is the stamp of approval if you are a hot girl. He is on every decent looking girl’s webpage on myspace. If you don’t have him on your page apparently you aren’t hot. I just don’t like him for any real valid reason. Maybe it is shitty ink? Or the smarmy type of face he makes. Harmless? Maybe. Annoying? Yes.

Ok…. I feel so much better that I ripped on people I don’t know…. Oh wait that isn’t a good thing…

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Damn…

Another reason why I am starting to hate movies

Published by Kevin on July 28, 2005 in Movies. 0 Comments

I am about to point something out that has been going on in films lately that has been annoying me beyond belief. Now let me first warn you if you are going to see any of the following movies:

Identity

The Machinist

Hide and Seek

The Secret Window

Then you probably shouldn’t read this blog after this paragraph. Also if you are considering watching these movies don’t because they suck, so read on because if I ruin them for you I am really doing you a favor.

OK… so now with that out of they way I want to talk about the new trend in Hollywood that is all the rage, the killer and the victim being the same person. I think one out of every four suspense or horror movies released in the last two years require that this happens.

The thing is once you see this “twist” in a movie it kills it for every other movie. Thus making it pointless and not shocking anymore. So when you see the movie heading down this path you automatically know that it is going to suck. Every single one of these movies use the same tactics as well.

They always have a red herring, usually it is a weak attempt to make you believe it is the wacky neighbor or ex husband or something. About an hour into the movie they start framing the clues like it could be them but it is way obvious so you know it isn’t…

Eh this isn’t going anywhere…. I am going to abort this blog and start a dance team called sparkle motion.

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476 People that I am smarter than

Published by Kevin on July 21, 2005 in Myspace.com. 0 Comments

Sometimes in life something happens that makes you feel good. Sure it is usually due to the misfortune of others… But well screw them. I care about myself. Now long time blog readers know my distaste for chain letters, polls, and pretty much every bulletin ever posted on myspace. So I got this bulletin today with the title “Don’t Ignore This One Guys”… so of course I had to read it with that title. I open it up to get this bulletin which I have seen like 15 times before.

I always notice that it says Liverpool, NY on it and the e-mail address is in the UK. I know there is a Liverpool, NY and being from Western NY area I was sure I would remember something like this happening. But I really never gave it a second thought and ignored it… So today I decided to research it.

Yes the story is true but the two guys had already been released from jail in well 2001 and given anonymity for the rest of their lives. So this bulletin is well four years late…. And utterly fucking pointless, of course people never actually research things they sign there name to. But I mean doesn’t the e-mail addy and state thing bother anyone else?

So today I reposted it as a bulletin making fun of everyone. As I thought about it I was overcome with the feeling that I officially know I am smarter then 476 people on this earth.

This is a good thing. Here is a list of 476 people that have an IQ of a squeezable ketchup bottle.

Here is the post and some dumb people:

Do you remember February 1993 when a young 3 yr. old was taken from a Shopping mall in Liverpool, NY by two 10-year-old boys? Jamie Bulger walked away from his mother for only a second and Jon Venables took his hand and led him out of the mall with his friend Robert Thompson. They took Jamie on a walk for over 2 and a half miles, along the way stopping every now and again to torture the poor little boy who was crying constantly for his mommy. Finally they stopped at a railway track where they brutally kicked him, threw stones at him, rubbed paint in his eyes and pushed batteries up his anus. It was actually worse than this…

What these two boys did was so horrendous that Jamie’s mother was FORBIDDEN to identify his body. They then left his beaten small body on the tracks so a train could run him over to hide the mess they had created. These two boys, even being boys, understood what they did was wrong, hence trying to make it look like an accident. This week Lady Justice Butler-Sloss has awarded the two boys anonymity for the rest of their lives when they leave custody with new identities. We cannot let this happen. They will also leave early this year only serving just over half of their sentence. One paper even stated that Robert may go on to a University. They are getting away with their crime. They disgustingly and violently took Jamie’s life away; in return they get a new life.

Please read it carefully…then add your name at the end… and send it to everyone you can! Please add your name and location to the list and send it to friends and family. Please copy this and re-post it instead of forwarding so we do not get arrows at the beginning of the sentences.

If you are the 500th person to sign, please forward email to cust.ser.cs@gtnet.gov.uk and attention it to Lady Justice Butler-Sloss. Then start the list over again and send to your friends and family. The Love-Bug virus took less than 72 hours to reach the world. I hope this one does as well. We need to protect our family and friends from creatures like Robert and Jon. One day they may be living next to you and your small children, without your knowledge. If Robert and Jon could be so evil at 10 years old, imagine what they could do as adults!

1. Casey Spencer, New Kent, VA
2. Elisabeth Jones, Louisa,VA
3. Jody Rothhaar- Holly Grove, V
4. Jeanette Fusaro ~ Concord, NC
5. Lorraine Wright- Westbury, NY
6. Gary Pidcoe, Leawood, KS.
7. Karol &Michael Walters, St. Louis, MO
8. Robert &Susan Welch, Orlando, FL
9. Lynn Maxcy, Deltona, Fl
10. Jodie Cardinal, Orlando, Fl.
11. Stephanie Strain, Orlando, FL
12. Jean Fuller, Orlando, FL
13. Heather Huber, Altamonte Springs,FL
14. Shannon Finnegan. Orlando. FL
15. Jennifer Ivins, St. Cloud, FL
16. Kris Ivins, St. Cloud, FL
17. Teresa Ciotti, Orlando FL
18. Jill Garcille ~ Baton Rouge,LA
19. Lisa Krueger ~ Crestwood, IL
20. Tiffany Roma ~ Palos Heights, IL
21. Maureen Langer - Lockport, Il
22. Candice Pernell - Broadview, IL
23. Jenoveva Garcia - Romeoville, IL
24. Carol Luna- Chicago, IL
25. Brandy Flores- Chicago, IL
26. melissa sanchez - chgo, il
27. Robert Myers - Harl,TX
28. Jessica Rivera - Harlingen, TX
29 Raquel Hernandez- Los Fresnos, TX
30. Cristina Stratton- Harlingen, Tx
31. Dustin Stratton- Harlingen, Tx
32. Sue Ellen Turner- Chesapeake, VA
33. Paul Turner- Tavares, FL
34. Diane Turner- Tavares, FL
35. Ralph Esposito- Tavares, FL
36. Bob Esposito- Staten Island, NY
37. Noelle Sarni- Cape May
Court House, NJ
38. Amy Barnhart- Linwood, NJ
39. Julie Dugan - Cherry Hill, NJ
40. Theresa Patterson, Hainesport, NJ
41. Brandie Allen- Mt. Laurel, NJ
42. Leslie Chabala- Eastampton, NJ
43. Tiffany Clugsten- Hamilton, NJ
44. Jaime Clugsten - Roebling, NJ
45. Roxanne Sexton- Burlington, NJ
46. Jackie Lotsey, Eastampton, NJ
47. Kelly Brennan, Mt Holly, NJ
48. Shawn Brennan, Mt Holly, NJ
49. Gina Long, Bensalem, PA
50. Cora Lei Nguyen, Burlington, NJ
51. Jodi Evans, Colorado Springs, CO
52. Valeria Quinones, Colorado Springs, CO
53. Bonnie Lewis, Ham Lake, MN
54. Jennifer Eibensteiner, North Oaks,MN
55. Lyn Weihe, Stillwater, MN
56. Dana Schoepke, New Richmond, WI
57. Karen Russell, Oakdale, MN
58. Natalie Brickey, Lake Elmo, MN
59. Julie Djock, White Bear Lake, MN
60. Leah Burtzlaff, Minneapolis, MN
61. Sadhna Matai, Paramount, CA
62. Noelle Schmid, Cerritos, CA
63. Marilyn Livote, Buena Park, CA
64. Steven Boyle, San Diego, CA
65. Kathy Koenig, San Diego, CA
66. Barbara Clark, San Diego, CA
68. Melissa Drescher, San Diego, CA
69. Jill Holloway, Olathe KS
70. Carolyn Cantrell, Shawnee, KS
71. Susan Dean, Bonner Springs, KS
72. Antoinette Manza - Blue Springs, MO
73. Christi King - Blue Springs, MO
74. Jonathan Lightfoot -Kansas City, MO
75. Judy Miller- Harrisonville, MO.
76. Dalle Grimes Grandview, MO.
77. Rhonda Grimm Bentonville, AR
78. Carol Owens Bella Vista, AR
79. Carol Martin Bentonville AR
80. Vicki LeRoy Gravette AR
81. Brenda Hartley Noel, MO
82. Charles Hartley Noel, MO
83. Denise Kreidler Walworth, NY
84. Carl Priest Walworth, NY
85. Amy Wheaton Rochester, NY
86. Todd Wheaton Rochester, NY
87. Greg Wood Rochester, NY
88. Sue Wood Rochester, NY
89. Lori Martin Rochester, NY
90. Marti Burnham Rochester, NY
91. Lynne Ford Rochester, NY
92. Mary Kleinhenz Rochester, NY
93. Paul Kleinhenz Rochester, NY
94. Fran Stoneham Rochester, NY
95. Carol Ann Vernetti West Henrietta, NY
96. Melissa Cupp Rochester, NY
97. Kathy Keller, Honeoye, NY
98. Barb Mitchell Lyons, NY
99. Marilyn Frappolli Rochester, NY
100 Sheila Allen Henrietta, New York
101 William Allen Henrietta NY
102 Ryanna Allen Henrietta NY
103 Raelyn Allen Morgantown WV
104 Shelly A. Stroble, Hughesville, PA
105 Loralea Paugh, Collies, WV
106 Joyce Hegedus, Pittsburgh, PA
107 Kathleen Wetli, Atlanta, GA
108 Hank Schilder, Providence, Utah
109 Randy Moore, Clifton, Idaho
110 Curtis Reeves, Honey Brook, PA
111 Eileen Clark, Mexico, NY
112 Sheri Guilds, Mexico, NY
113 Andrew Guilds, Mexico, NY
114 Kaycie Guilds, Mexico, NY
115 John MacDonald, Mexico, NY
116 Donna Wilcox, Mexico, NY
117 Ryan Wilcox, Mexico, NY
118 Julie Restuccio, Oswego, NY
119 Jim Restuccio Oswego,NY
120 Michele Hourigan, Oswego, NY
121 Erica Bardeschewski, Rochester, NY
123 Melissa Gallipeau Rochester, NY
124. Ann G. Cole, Pittsford, NY
125. Tero Cox, Rochester,NY.
126. Shay Cox, Rochester, NY
127. K. Carmon, New York, NY
128. Mary Nunez, New York, NY
129. Sergio Nunez, New York, NY
130. L. Nunez, New York, NY
131. Tanya Morales, Bronx, NY
132. Edgar Callejas, Bronx, NY
133. Jovani Callejas, Bronx, NY
134. Gloria Clemente, Bronx, NY
135. Pablo Clemente, Bronx, NY
136. Monique’ Duran, Bronx, NY
137. Jennifer Santiago, Bronx, NY
138. Serena Rodriguez, Bronx, NY
139. Latisha Dechoudens, Bronx, NY
140. Joslyn Deveaux, Brookyln, NY
141. Erin De Veaux, Cathedral City, Ca
142. Beneranda Gonzalez, Joliet, IL143. Yarissa Diaz. Chicago, IL
144. Dube Rivota, Franklin Park, IL
145. Chela Rivota-Diaz Northlake

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That Dumb Nice Guys Finish Last Chain Mail

Published by Kevin on July 12, 2005 in Myspace.com. 0 Comments

I have seen this getting posted all over the place and well it is rather annoying. Because like most bulletins on myspace there is very little logic and a ton of bullshit, let me take the time to straighten some things out… My comments are in italics.

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point.

(Ugh… I am already beginning to puke…)

This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores.

(Well usually when guys are providing a shoulder to lean on they are smart enough to know that it isn’t time to get laid. Last time I checked girl crying about –insert pointless thing here- does not equal sex. Holding open doors does not make you a nice guy it just means you have class…. Waiting patiently outside the changing room means they are secretly gay. Unless it is bra and under garment shopping… No guy likes to shop, especially with a girl walking around a mall for an entire day, which is the equivalent of hell. )

This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

( I don’t know any guy that puts that much thought into respecting a girls clothing style etc… We really don’t care… I guess I am a heartless bastard. Compliments make you a nice guy? Compliments are used to usually a) either calm down a girl b) a preemptive strike against the does this make me look fat question c) a way out of getting yelled at for looking at another girl d) another flirting move.)

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door,

(So yea for non date rapists…. I guess we should send a bulletin out for non date rapists appreciation day next.)

for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population,

( OH cock blockers… yeah the guy that can’t get laid and decides to ruin it for everyone else in his gender. Thanks Benedict FUCKING Arnold.)

for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway,

(Oh an enabler… if the girl is that insecure with themselves and is fishing for compliments you need to insult them and knock them off of their pedestal because it is fucking annoying when people fish for compliments…. “Look I showered today” does not mean you should throw out “Well you smell good” you should say… “I Hope you shower everyday otherwise you are a dirty bitch”)

for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters,

(To quote the great Jim Rome, “If you are not cheating you are not trying.”)

for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends,

(There is probably a reason why they don’t have girlfriends… My money is on a disgusting amount of back hair.)

for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

(Ah for the stupid…. I guess we should celebrate people with no common sense.)

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t.

( I can… girls like guys that are slightly assholeish because playing hard to get or getting treated bad is fun. Who wants a guy to answer to your every whim? What fun is that?)

From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches.

(Illogical… while painting a sex with a wide brush is kind of right on. Spock the most logical person in all of television history… MAN… point proven)

Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.”

(This is the guys fault for letting it get to friend territory once it gets to friend territory it is incredibly hard to get it back out. You pretty much need to have drunken sex with them and then approach the subject… It really is your only recourse.)

Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!).

( It has something to do with the fact you bleed for a week every month. Remember never trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn’t die.)

But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

(Yes they grow out of it but they usually have one to two kids at that point. Are stuck with their ex husbands debt and can barely support themselves…. Plus the 18 thousand pounds of baggage… Congratulations look what the nice guy won.)

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, insane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

(Get a sack… Learn to recognize train wreck girls that are nothing but trouble and learn the word no… It will go a long way.)

Repost this if you’re a nice guy
Girls Repost if you’re lookin for this/or appreciate these guys

(This isn’t about nice guys this is about complete idiots. Nice people shouldn’t be stereotyped as no back bone having pussies.)

EDIT: Trendon also went to town on this subject… I highly suggest taking a look at his blog… and reading some of his other ones… They are rather entertaining Trendon’s Blog

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Holy Shit People Really Do Eat Cornnuts

Published by Kevin on July 5, 2005 in Food. 0 Comments

So I was sitting in class today and after break the girl that sits next to me came back from the vending machine with cornnuts. Now I know cornnuts exist, I have seen them in the gas station and even the supermarket. The thing is I have never actually seen anyone purchase them let alone eat them. I figured that maybe they were all made in the 50’s and they just sat on the shelf since then… They could be like twinkies one of two food types that would make it through a nuclear blast. Also I have no idea what they are. Are they corn or are they nuts or a genetic combination of the two? If I wasn’t such a pussy I would buy a back and maybe run experiments on them. But what if I chip a tooth on this food made in the fifties? The company probably isn’t around so I would have no one to take to court.

One thing I noticed is that cornnuts smell…. Very pungent. So instead of listening to my professor speak I decided to figure out if cornnuts are the worst smelling snack food of all time…

I think the list would have to go like this….

1) Doritos… I defy anyone out there to have three chips and not have their breath smell like complete and utter ass. It is physically impossible. I believe that the company that makes Doritos also makes gum and breath mint products. So when they were creating Doritos in a lab the head guy probably thought, “You know we could make these make your breath smell like a possum you ran over three weeks ago because if we do that people will buy our gum.”

2) Cornnuts- I believe that they are 50 years old and anything you eat that is 50 years old can’t smell good… Simple logic on that one.

3) Fritos- The annoying cousin of Doritos… Same concept except to add insult to injury everything you taste for like 4 hours after that tastes like fritos… The taste and smell do not go away…. Ever…. Thus whatever the person eats rest of the day smells like a combination of the two… “What the hell Jeff? Your breath smells like a combination of Fritos and sardines….” You know stuff like that…

You know what… I am buying a pack of cornnuts… I will do an experiment on it and I will post the results with pictures this weekend…. In the name of science… of course…

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myhate.com a place for talking shit