Quizzes, Polls, Chainletters and the Like

Quizzes, polls, chain letters and the like…..

I have to say I hate quizzes… I mean you go to some pages on here and people have like 15 different quiz results on there page, which makes it take forever for their page to load.
It’s not that I don’t care which “My So Called Life” person I am or “What Britney Spears Mood” I am…. Ok I really don’t care… But they just seem so annoying. They aren’t fun… Really I mean who wants to answer 10-15 questions to find out what “Sexual Organ” you are? Especially when it boils down to one question really, the other ones are just there for effect.

As for polls… I think every single one is written by a 14 year old girl but that is just a theory. So it hasn’t been proven. It is just going to get lumped in with my other theories. Such as the Hispanic girl theory… The Asian Guy theory… The Three Vice theory…

Anyways here is a sample poll that was posted as a bulletin today. I will leave the name of the poster out of this because they are a nice person. But I feel the need to analyze these questions.

Before I go into this… I want to say something about the newest show that makes my hair stand on end. Some dumb ass sweet 16 show on MTV. I have only watched one episode and it almost made me swallow my tongue. I guy had about a quarter million dollar sweet 16 party for his son. They hired “dancers” that were P-diddy videos just to randomly dance. Let me make a couple of points about this.
1) Guys don’t have sweet 16 parties
2) If my dad named me Hart I would kill him
3) 250,000 for a fucking party???? For a 16 year old??? Why?

Ok back to the subject at hand… The poll. These are all actual questions… Some I will break down the others I will answer…. Just out of sheer boredom.

1.PICK ONE OF YOUR SCARS OUT, NOW HOW DID YOU GET IT:

Left arm… knife fight in prison when Gus tried to shank me with a toothbrush he had whittled down.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?

Cum stains… That’s just the way I get down.

3. WHAT WAS YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE?

This is actually a good question. I lucid dream a lot and I do remember a lot of dreams. My worst nightmare maybe the one where I get trapped in a room and answer dumb quizzes and polls all day while my will to live gets sucked right through the computer screen.

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?

What a generic question. If you really wanted to know you would look at my page wouldn’t you. Lazy bastard.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?

Isn’t this a great piece of trivia. Don’t you think out of all the things you want to know about someone this really would rank at the bottom of the list? Right next to: How often to you trim your pubic hair? Or Would you ever watch bestiality porn?

6. WHAT IS THE WEIRDEST THING YOU HAVE EVER DONE?

It involved a gerbil, a hockey stick, a jar of marmalade, pvc pipe and coat hanger… But gentlemen don’t tell tales out of school.

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS AT TIMES ?

What kind of question is this? Do you want a person for the answer? Or a television show? Maybe a moment? What?

I miss when people asked reasonable questions.

And shamrock shakes.

8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ON SOMEONE (OPPOSITE SEX)?

Ugh I hate this question because nobody ever gives an honest answer. I notice the fact that they have bathed today or not.

9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?

You know seriously… I think it has to be the smell of my anus

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?

I honestly have a whole thing about this… People say they don’t but let’s make you go into a crawl space that you barely fit into and tell you to crawl about 50 yards. In the dark… I got five bucks that says you piss yourself.

11. IF YOU DIED TOMORROW?

I would be pissed.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?

See evidence that this is made up by a female…

George Bush when he won reelection

13. WHO WAS YOUR FIRST CRUSH WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE?
EXACTLY THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A GIRL…

And the answer is Princess Leia “return of the jedi” bikini… or Christie Brinkly on the cover the SI swimsuit issue

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
yeah this totally was written by a girl.

None… I like them shav…. Oh you mean on their head?

15.WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?

If I am getting proposed to it can’t be a good sign… again a 14 year old girl type of question

16. MAKE UP A QUESTION:

Why the fuck am I doing this?

17. WHAT ARE YOUR 5 FAVORITE MOVIES?

Oh my so hard to do… why not ask me to choose between relatives or friends…

I can’t do this… seriously… does this have to be in order?

18. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF GOING FOR YOUR HONEYMOON?

Yeah see I told you a 14 year old wrote this…

Lebanon

19. CAN YOU PLAY AN INSTRUMENT?

No

20. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?

Does pig latin count?

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU (OF THE OPPOSITE SEX ?)

This is starting to get boring… I think herpes would be the correct answer though

22. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE SINGER?

Nic Carter… OMG he rulz

23. FAVORITE BAND(s)?

GWAR… why the hell not

24. WHAT KIND OF BOOKS DO YOU LIKE TO READ?
Usually ones with centerfolds… or the sweet valley high series.

25. FAVORITE PERFUME?

See it was written by a girl… does it make me gay that I am filling this out?

26. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR COFFEE?

Spilled on my crotch so McDonald’s can pay me in a lawsuit.

27. WHAT’s YOUR FAVORITE PHRASE TO USE?

“I think I just threw up in my mouth”

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?

Aren’t we all leaving? Isn’t that what death is? I am going to go kill myself now.

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?

Cadbury cream egg

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:

This is so fucking stupid… 30 as in the minutes I have wasted on this.

31. BLONDES, REDHEADS OR BRUNETTES?:

What about them?

32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?

857-5309

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?

How dumb our culture has gotten because we cater to girls under 20

34. HAVE YOU EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?

To many to recap

35. WHO IS YOUR CURRENT CRUSH?

Mike Hunt

36: WHAT IS YOUR WORST FEAR:

Oh wow… this is dark… I would have to say my worst fear is to be stuck in a van trip across the united states with Carney Wilson pre stomach staple sitting on my lap with no air conditioning on listening to Ashlee Simpson on the radio. While Paris Hiton and Nicole Richee talk the entire time in the front of the car about high fashion.

37:SAY SOMETHING TO SOMEONE YOU HAVEN’T SEEN/TALKED TO IN AWHILE:

Dave I want my fucking money

38: HAVE YOU EVER SAID “I LOVE YOU” AND NOT MEAN IT.

Of course what other way was I going to get her into be… um wait nevermind.

39: WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS SURVEY:

Pretending to work

40: ANY LAST WORDS?

This was the biggest waste of my life… Well that and studying history in college with no real goal of teaching. Also playing all those games of techmo football just because Bo Jackson was so unstoppable in it.

I am so tired that I don’t even want to talk about chain letters now… I think I need to go eat lunch.