(Ok this goes with the first cheerleading rant I put up. Some girl decided to write a big response to my first cheerleading post in the sports forum where there was a debate going on if it was a sport or not. So this was my response to her post…)
Growing up in Western, NY our schools didn’t have competitive cheer. Instead they just had girls that would cheer at the basketball and football games. These squads were made up of all the girls that could not play actual sports. They were the rejects…
Wait I take that back they had sectional cheer competitions which I actually got to see first hand one year while I was in college. You know where every squad brings a cd with all the annoying songs from ESPN’s Jock Jams discs. The big drama is if someone uses the same song that your team was going to use. Tears ensue…. Good times. Every song started out with one of those lame techno wannabe pieces. Like some guy talking into a microphone overly loud saying an over used cliché… Like “are you ready” or “are you ready for this” or “get ready”…
My portrayal was dead on from the people that I have met first hand. Yes it might have been exaggerated here or there for comedic value because that was the purpose of said piece. Behind every comedic portrayal of something there is truth. When Saturday Night Live makes fun of President Bush for being a simpleton it is exaggerated but Bush has butchered the English language over and over.
I would like to expand on my previous piece by breaking down cheerleaders into three groups. You can say they are stereotypes but I think they hit dead on.
The fat/ugly/non-athletic girl:
This girl can usually be found in the smaller schools across the United States where most of the girls in the school play real sports. The girls that fill these squads are usually the ones not good enough to play sports. They still want to get a varsity letter and want to be involved so they fill the depleted cheerleading team. A couple of them usually are in the drama club or in band possibly chorus… They think in their minds this is a way to popularity.
Future outcome for this girl: They go to college and hook up with anyone and everyone when they a drunk. It is a boost to their ego because no guy would have interest in them otherwise. Basically they become a bar whore and make the walk of shame a couple of times a week. A typical sex session would be this: As she is lying on her back getting railed by a drunk guy who is thinking of Jenna Jameson so he can get off she whispers in his ear, “I was a cheerleader in high school.”
The hot/vapid/annoying girl:
This girl is usually at larger or medium size schools. She really never liked sport when she was younger. Maybe she took dance class… She always thought of herself as a princess or ballerina, possibly wants to be the secretary on student council. This girl is the reason why Britney Spears, Christina and Ashlee Simpson have careers. She is the marketing segment that MTV craves because of her poor taste and disposable income that her parents give her. Her favorite show is probably Laguna Beach. On her books she writes “ I heart something”. Probably has slept with about ten guys once high school is done.
Future outcome for this girl: Sorority girl… She goes to college and is passed around by the members of TKE. She thinks sex and the city is her bible. She doesn’t think of herself as a slut just a “party girl”. Guys in her hometown will all discover at one point or another they slept with her at some random party. She will look to marry for money because she has no other ability or talent.
As you might have noticed the outcome of these girls are slightly the same; leading a promiscuous lifestyle while in college, being cum dumpsters for many a guy. The reason why they do this is the main reason why they cheerlead they are attention whores. Being a cheerleader lets them do that. That is there way to get attention. Being in front of a crowd, although they are not there to see them, is they main way they can fulfill their need for attention.
The competitive cheerleader:
Usually found in the Midwest, South and Western parts of the United States.
This is usually filled with girls that are over achievers, hyper positive and downright annoying. Usually these girls are failed gymnasts. They either actually grew or they didn’t have anywhere else to go for youth gymnastics.
I know it is a little bit off topic but let me talk about the sick sport of gymnastics.
You know gymnasts are the athletic equivalent of veal. It’s the sport where girls hardly eat, have an eating disorder, don’t menstruate for years and over work their bodies for an Olympic dream leading to stress factures or injuries that nobody under the age of 20 should be getting. Yeah that is what I would want my daughter to do. It’s just as bad putting your kid into beauty pageants at age six.
Anyways these girls are support by mothers that live their lives vicariously through their daughter. These girls usually don’t have a sex life because they are either ultra Christian or their bodies haven’t developed because of the years of gymnastics abuse.
Future Outcome: Go into college as a bio-chem major… They overachieve and are the annoying know it all that guys dread to date. They will go on to be single until they are about 30 where they rope a guy in… Then they emasculate him and where the pants in the family. Probably join the PTA and plaster their cars with, “my kid is on the honor roll at LBJ Junior High School” bumper stickers.
I think that is a pretty fair breakdown…
I write about the stuff we all think but don't like to talk about.
