2004 December | Pointless Banter

Archive for December, 2004

A Typical Cheerleading Practice

Published by Kevin on December 28, 2004 in Sports. 0 Comments

(I posted this in the sports forum… I figured I would throw it up here…)

Typical cheerleading practice:

1st half hour-

Cheerleader A comes into practice in tears because either:

A) Boyfriend issues
B) Someone called her fat
C) Self esteem issues
D) She has her period

Cheerleaders B thru M console her while cheerleaders N and O sit off to the side saying how much cheerleader A is a bitch and that she has fat ankles.

2nd half hour-

Cheerleaders “stretch” which consists of stretching and talking about:

A) The prom
B) What boy looked hot that day
C) Whatever girl in their school is a total bitch
D) The OC

Cheerleaders Y and Z , the two male cheerleaders, wonder why all their friends no longer talk to them? They try and legitimize why they are on the team saying they are surrounded by chicks but they truth is none of the cheerleaders would touch either of the two.

3rd half hour

The Cheerleaders work on their act or routine or whatever the hell you call it. During which time cheerleader T and cheerleader E get in a fight because cheerleader T wore the same outfit that cheerleader E wore to school that day… or vice versa depending on who you believe. Whore, bitch, and skank are all said during the exchange dividing the squad into three camps. The first camp is sided with cheerleader T because she is the best looking one on the squad, hence she is never wrong. The other more homely girls are behind cheerleader E which is the smart yet ugly one. Our third camp consists of girls that hate both girls and secretly want them to beat the shit out of each other.

4th Final half hour

They make signs… Lame signs… They are lame because if they had artistic ability they would have a real hobby and talent. The girls make signs about boys they have crushes on. Another fight breaks out after Cheerleader L and Cheerleader T both discover that they have been sleeping with the start quarterback. Once again the words skank, slut, whore and bitch are uttered dividing the team yet again. Finally they all hug and make up pretending they are friends…

Of course all this gets undone when they go home and IM each other or talk on the phone backstabbing each and everyone of their teammates. This creates the drama for the next day and the cycle begins again.

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A Nub for New Years

Published by Kevin on December 28, 2004 in My Wisdom. 0 Comments

New Years resolutions are made by people that really don’t want to keep them. How many times have people said that they wanted to quit smoking for the new years and then like 5 weeks later they break down? Of course it is explained with an excuse like, “I was really stressed.” Or something lame like that. Now I am not saying I am better than anyone because I never follow through on mine. Whether it is to be more organized or eat better or anything like those… I just break down eventually.

So I am going to propose a plan… Let’s call it a “Nub for New Years”

“A Nub for New Years” is basically this… If you make a resolution you have to stick to it or you lose a finger… Well the top part of a finger. Think about the impact that this would have. I mean if you make a new year’s resolution you bet your ass that you will be sticking to it. Let’s say you plan on losing 15 pounds. You don’t think your ass would be on a bike or in the gym everyday with the thought of losing the finger?

Not only does this enforce the resolution you make. It also forces you to pick a realistic resolution. No more… I am going to be nice to everyone… Or I am going to run in a marathon even though I have never run more than a lap around a track.

Well I know this revolutionary idea will be thought of as mean or cruel. But that will just because all the self help gurus will be shitting themselves when they hear this. Screw Dr. Phil…

So when one of your friends tells you “Oh I am going to stop eating McDonald’s for my new year’s resolution” ask them are they willing to lose a nub for it?

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Leo DiCaprio is Over-rated

Published by Kevin on December 24, 2004 in Celebrities. 0 Comments

Ok so I went to watch the Aviator on Christmas day with the fam. Now I have to say the movie was ok. DiCaprio’s performance was pretty good. I think that it ran a little long… But when we were leaving the theater one of the people in the crowd said that DiCaprio might be the greatest actor working today. I don’t know about that… In fact I don’t even know that he is the best in his generation…

Let’s take a look at his body of work….

Pre-Titanic

Now I could discuss his fine work on “Growing Pains” as Luke Brower but I mean why bother? We all know this is when Mike Seaver made the turn from a troublemaker to a good person which killed the show. (Along with Boner leaving for the army, which still brings tears to my eyes.)

He was briefly in “Poison Ivy” which on its own stands has the highlight of Tom Skerritt’s career. Do you think Skerritt sits at home and thinks about the fact that he was in Poison Ivy and also uttered one of the cheesiest lines in movie history in Top Gun with a big shit eating grin on his face?

“This Boys Life” was a solid movie… It had De Niro in it so it is automatically good… You know De Niro the greatest actor ever before he decided to do crappy comedies? This was a solid performance and I really can’t knock it.

“What’s Eating Gilbert Grape” …. The most overrated performance in anyone’s career is when they play someone that is mentally handicapped. I mean can it be that hard? Doing an accent would have to be 100arder then acting like someone that is mentally deficient. I mean Chris Burke was able to play a Down syndrome person on “Life Goes On” and he was retarded… wait never mind

“The Quick and the Dead” any movie that is shown on TNT 8 billion times sucks…

“The Basketball Diaries” the movie itself was not bad. I just can’t get past the basketball in the movie. It might be the worst sports scene in any movie sans “Teen Wolf”. This team was supposed to be the best team in NYC at the time and they played like a team of 6th graders.

“Romeo and Juliet” it all comes down to this. In the version we used to have watch in school they had a brief scene where we got to see a breast shot. In this version… No breast shot……

Titanic era and up to Gangs of New York

My god… the biggest pile of crap ever… I am still bitter that I got dragged to the movies to watch this. Why do so many people like this movie? Yes the special effects were cool but I mean the script was horrible, the story was poor, and ugh… well we did get to see Kate Winslet… So I guess it evens out..

“The Man in the Iron Mask” eh… it was ok… I haven’t watched it in years but it was better then the other crappy three musketeer type movies that were released around the same time. I still don’t get that about Hollywood. Why do they release three movies that are all like each other around the same time? We had the body switch era, the three musketeer phase, the disaster movie phase, the asteroid phase, and now the Alexander movie phase.

“The Beach” some people really like this movie. For some reason I am drawn to watch it when it is on HBO at night. Every time I sit through it though I feel disappointed for some reason, I think the concept was there the execution was poor though. The video game scene in the jungle irritates me to no end….

“Gangs of New York” I loved the first twenty minutes of the movie and I loved the last twenty minutes… The middle could have been edited down greatly. I love Scorsese but his last two movies have been so freaking long. While I understand that this is supposed to be an epic it drags at times. DiCaprio was great in it though and I think that it was his best performance of his career. The movie was owned by Daniel Day Lewis… He was the real reason to watch this movie.

“Catch Me If You Can” This was a nice movie. Walken is in it so it automatically is good. I don’t it was a challenge to act in it. Light and breezy…

“The Aviator” this was a long movie… I think his performance was good and again it was because he was working with Scorsese. It was a long, long, long movie and it felt like it.

So over his career I have only found less then a handful of his movies better than average.

His body of work is not that strong. I think he is overrated.

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Christmas Music and Steve Gutenberg

Published by Kevin on December 24, 2004 in Music. 0 Comments

I like Christmas time… I really do. But I have to say there is some awful Christmas music out there. I was listening to Yahoo Launchcast to see what Christmas music was on there. I chose the pop Christmas channel and this was some of the artists on there. Now they just don’t have singles they have entire albums… Ugh… why… why… why…

Celine Dione
Nsync
Jessica Simpson
Hanson
98 Degrees
American Idol
Rosie O’Donnell… yeah I know

Well these guys have albums but we will ignore bashing them because of the hot chick factor:

Jewel
Destiny’s Child

And did you know:

Bob Marley- Winter Wonderland

Yeah that surprised me too…

So without further a due here is my list of songs I would want on a Christmas album:

Phantom Planet- Winter Wonderland
John Lennon- Happy X-mas
The Ramones- Merry Christmas (I don’t want to fight tonight)
Weezer- The Christmas Song
Run DMC- Christmas in Hollis
U2- Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)
Bruce Springsteen- Merry Christmas Baby
Dave Matthews Band-Christmas Song
The Beach Boys- Little Saint Nick
Tom Petty- Christmas All Over Again
Beck- The Little Drummer Boy
The Flaming Lips- Christmas at the Zoo
Brian Setzer- Jingle Bells
Chuck Berry- Run Rudolph Run

I have to say I love the cheesy ass Christmas movies that are like on the Hallmark channel. You get to see every big star that has fallen off the face of the earth in these.

One name will sum it all up:

Steve Gutenburg

Yeah quality… In a week I saw like a handful of people that I would have thought were dead. It warms the heart…

So on that note…. A merry Christmas to all… or whatever

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Christmas in Hollis

Published by Kevin on December 24, 2004 in Music. 0 Comments

[Run]
It was December 24th on Hollis Ave in the dark
When I see a man chilling with his dog in the park
I approached very slowly with my heart full of fear
Looked at his dog oh my God an ill reindeer
But then I was illin because the man had a beard
And a bag full of goodies 12 o’clock had neared
So I turned my head a second and the man had gone
But he left his driver’s wallet smack dead on the lawn
I picket the wallet up then I took a pause
Took out the license and it cold said “Santa Claus”
A million dollars in it, cold hundreds of G’s
Enough to buy a boat and matching car with ease
But I’d never steal from Santa, cause that ain’t right
So I’m going home to mail it back to him that night
But when I got home I bugged, cause under the tree
Was a letter from Santa and all the dough was for me

[D.M.C.]
It’s Christmas time in Hollis Queens
Mom’s cooking chicken and collard greens
Rice and stuffing, macaroni and cheese
And Santa put gifts under Christmas trees
Decorate the house with lights at night
Snow’s on the ground, snow white so bright
In the fireplace is the yule log
Beneath the mistle toe as we drink egg nog
The rhymes you hear are the rhymes of Darryl’s
But each and every year we bust Chrsitmas carrols
(Christmas melodies)

[Run-D.M.C.]
Rhymes so loud and prod you hear it
It’s Christmas time and we got the spirit
Jack Frost chillin, the ?orchas out?
And that’s what Christmas is all about
The time is now, the place is here
And the whole wide world is filled with cheer

[D.M.C.]
My name’s D.M.C. with the mic in my hand
And I’m chilling and coolin just like a snowman
So open your eyes, lend us an ear
We want to say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

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Random Thoughts…

Published by Kevin on December 14, 2004 in Random Thoughts. 0 Comments

Thinks that I have been thinking about:

-I remember thinking the dance in “House Party” was fucking unbelievable. Kid n Play could tear it up.

-Every year Barbara Walters has her “ten most fascinating people” year end show and like half the list I can never figure out why they are on. This year she has Paris Hilton… Yeah I almost slashed my wrists but considering it was Barbara Walters I realized she has questionable taste. My god she did start “The View” after all. She also had Oprah on it… Now fucking Oprah is richer then most third world countries. What makes her any more interesting this year? Why do I even care?

-I dislocated my ring finger on my right hand for no reason. I just popped out. I kind of feel like Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon, you know with the whole popping the shoulder out thing. Except I can pop my ring finger out of joint. it isn’t quite as cool is it? The funny thing is the corresponding toe on the right side pops out of joint to… My god I could join the circus.

-You’ve been served

-So I have been bored and going onto the myspace forums… Yeah not so fun… Apparently my sense of humor is not appreciated in the rest of the world. These are topics I learned never to speak on again. Because people don’t just respond they go crazy
-Nascar not being a sport- We have already seen the reaction to this.
-Kobe Bryant being a bad person- The argument against this is that I do not personally know Kobe… Well that is what everyone has said. So this brings up a good debate. I don’t know Michael Jackson, Hitler, Paris Hilton, and other people but I read and see enough about them to make a judgment. Maybe I am not 100 ut I think my judgments are pretty dead on. I guess since I don’t know Kobe the only argument I can have is saying if he is a good basketball player or not. I guess having a history of sexual harassment, assault, being a bad teammate and infidelity gets a free pass.
-The fight scene from “They Live” being the greatest fight scene ever. Now if you have never seen “:They Live” well shame on you. Basically it is a shitty ass B movie that used to be on USA all the time. Mr. Roddy Piper is in it. Basically aliens are taking over the earth. They all look like humans. But when Mr. Piper wears these sunglasses he can tell that they are alien. Sheer genius…

So no more posting on the forums…. I got into some political debates but it always ends up getting boiled down to conservatives or liberals are evil.. It is no longer fun

Man this blog sucks….

I am too pulled apart between work and school. I need to reload and come back with some quality….

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