I Finally Have Found My Calling

I have found my calling in life. One could say I have freakish ability in Rock, Paper, Scissors. Even maybe a Michael Jordan like quality, where I dominate the game to a level that nobody has seen; even making people think ahead to how they can explain me to their grandchildren.

At a previous job I went on a streak of like 23 consecutive best out of three matches. Amazing I know. Today out of boredom I have found this.

So 2005 will be the year of Kevin.

I think I can train and get myself to a peak performance level over a few months. God knows my wrists and forearms are strong enough…. Wait um never mind.

Maybe I need to start a sponsorship drive? Nike maybe. Reebok sucks. Adidas is too low brow for me.

Although I could wear the old school RUN DMC Adidas maybe giving me a broader reach into the urban youth market. I could unite all races as a rock, paper, scissors champion for the world. I need to be promoted heavily in China because it is an emerging marketplace.

Just think the women, the money, the fame, endorsement deals, maybe even a movie of my life. Who would play me? Probably the kid that was Tara Reid’s boyfriend in American Pie, we both have that odd-shaped egg type head.

Could I walk into the competition floor in a boxers robe with my name on the back? Could I get James Brown to sing “Living in America” like in Rockey IV?

Actually I would need to have Soul Coughing’s “Super Bon-Bon” as my entrance music.

Because I knew you all before the start of my professional rock, paper, scissors career you can sponge off of me at my posh estate. Speaking of Posh you think I could nab her from David Beckham, so I could be the subject of numerous British tabloids? If you aren’t in my first 33 friends you are out of luck. So if you are reading this in the future you could have had a free ride. You should have gotten here earlier.

Alright I need to go train.