Archive for October, 2004

The top three sickest things I have seen in my life

Top three sickest things I have ever seen in my life.

(Movies, Television, and things along those lines do not count.)

3) I was playing in a “beer league” softball game like four years ago. My team was up to bat and one of the guys on our team hit a ball into the gap in right/center. Both the right fielder and the center went on a dead sprint after the ball. I was standing next to my friend Mark, both of us were looking right at the play and I blurted out, “Nobody called it did they?” Mark replied, “Nope.” The right fielder looked up at the last second and saw the center fielder coming right at him. He tried to just drop to the ground; the center fielder hit his knee on the shoulder of the kid dropping to the ground. Needless to say the following snapping noise was gross only topped by the screams of pain. The center fielder basically had his leg in an l-shape. That was pretty gross.

2) When I was little I was playing with a toy car on the railing of our porch. For some reason I decided to push it on the railing and see how far it would go. The care started to go and was going to fall off of the railing. I lunged forwarded catching the car. After catching the car my arm proceeded to go right through our front window, leaving my arm bloodied with shards of glass all over it. Today if you look at my arm you can see real tiny little scars when I get a tan.

And the new number 1…

1) My sister who is three years younger and I don’t talk anymore. I have good reasons for this. But anyways out of boredom I was checking out to see if I could find people I grew up with or are related to on myspace. I found my sisters profile and it is a typical total myspace whore profile. Scantily clad, suggestive looks, nothing really filled out on her profile and like 200 guys subscribed. I think I want to pull my eyes out with a melon baller. It is now the number one sickest thing I have seen.

Other Crap Like This:
  • Following the Plan
  • *Sniffle* The Greatest Thing to Ever Happen to Me
  • 5 Things We Should Be Thankful For
  • Can I strike this from the record of my life?
  • If You Have a Second Life You May Want to Consider Getting a First One
  • Ann Coulter

    When I see her on television I want to rip it out of the wall and grab a baseball bat and smash my television into 2,073 pieces.

    Ok I feel better now.

    Other Crap Like This:
  • reason number 1,454,243,234 why I hate Ann Coulter
  • BiBi Cambridge vs. Ann Coulter
  • One of these two people will die this semester….
  • This is just entertaining
  • Thoughts I had while taking a dump and reading Nancy Drew
  • It is very simple

    I hate people that spell cool as kewl.

    I hate them even more if they spell it like so… kEwL

    Other Crap Like This:
  • This makes me want to hang myself
  • Games to Play While in Vegas
  • The Yankees should sign Naomi Campbell
  • W.W.S.V.C.T.M.D?
  • Random Thoughts…
  • Things I don’t like about myspace

    -The profiles with pictures of hot girls and nothing filled out. Yet they have like 650 friends. I don’t know what annoys me more the fact that people are dumb enough to ask them to be their “friend” when they are really just getting on someone’s mailing list for spam. Or that they leave comment after comment like “When you im’ing me” or something along those lines.

    -People that write LiKe TheeSSee KaUsE It’S KeWl…. I freely admit that my English is not the best in the world but make a fucking attempt at a cohesive sentence.

    -That people write about Paris Hilton and their hoping for her demise. Wait that is me never mind.

    -The obligatory guy without his shirt showing his abs. There is one of three poses that the guy must take.
    1) The lean to the right while having his hands on his belt line.
    2) The holding up shirt showing abs while looking down like he is trying to find
    his dick
    3) The sitting in the chair slightly leaning back while giving a cold stare.
    Of course every single one of these guys has the same profile. “Life is short play hard. Not looking for anything serious just someone to party with because life is short.”

    -Um people that write unintelligent shit like this:

    (This is taken from an actual blog. The offending person will remain nameless.)

    FUCK this muthafuckin apartment for bein so nice in the ghetto!
    FUCK runnin outta weed!
    FUCK dumb ass drivers that continuously hit my sister -all 6 times
    FUCK myspace for bein so fuckin slow!
    FUCK jealous muthafuckers!
    FUCK jealous bitches for goin on our pages cuz we’re on their man’s list
    FUCK cigarettes for bein so damn expensive!
    FUCK rosarito for only allowing 2 bottles of alcohol per person!
    FUCK guys that think they’re gonna be .1 after the first date!
    FUCK bein on ur period!
    FUCK diets!
    FUCK bikini waxes for hurting so much!
    FUCK guys with little dicks and big balls!
    FUCK sex in the city for ending!
    FUCK a shart!
    FUCK squeeky beds!
    FUCK a guy that sleeps with his socks on!
    FUCK the middle finger!
    FUCK a shim!
    FUCK a roach in a high-class restaurant!
    FUCK hangovers!
    FUCK the Lakers for losing the world championship!
    FUCK broke ass fools with no skrilla!
    FUCK cheaters!
    FUCK guys who use the same lines on every girl on his list!
    FUCK unscented candles
    FUCK guys that lie!
    FUCK weekends for bein so short!
    FUCK a man whore!
    FUCK guys with no ass!
    FUCK our ex’s and their ex’s!
    FUCK a broken nail!
    FUCK girls with small boobs!
    FUCK cotton mouth!
    FUCK being 2nd best!
    FUCK hickeys!
    FUCK guys that don’t wear cologne!
    FUCK guys that don’t dress to impress!
    FUCK guys with a small tongue and a big mouth!
    FUCK a page with just body pic and no face.
    FUCK guys that ask girls for money!
    FUCK a lying best friend!
    FUCK a guy with beer balls!
    FUCK guys who wear cheap shoes!
    FUCK a pimp
    FUCK a hoe
    FUCK bootleg dvd’s
    FUCK late fees
    FUCK cramps
    FUCK a bad hair day!
    FUCK our driver’s license pictures!
    FUCK clubs with more girls than guys!
    FUCK ugly guys!
    FUCK ugly girls!
    FUCK ugly kids! sorry, but it’s true!
    FUCK dead beat parents!
    FUCK blind dates!
    FUCK bill collectors!
    FUCK guys who don’t drink!
    FUCK people that judge other people.
    and FUCK us for being too high to think of any thing else to fuckin say! Wut the FUCK!??!?!

    Seriously where to start on this? I think I lost at least 25 IQ points reading this. It is two minutes of my life I will never get back.

    -The bands on myspace. I hate the ad’s they put up on peoples comments. I hate the fact they all leach on and want you to join up with them. So far I haven’t been impressed with any of them. I understand they are trying to promote their band but there is just a line where it goes from promotion to just pestering.

    -People that don’t spell check comments. Here is an example:

    “lincoln park are whinny bitches.”

    Let me just point this out-
    whinny- to neigh especially in a low or gentle way

    What a difference an “e” instead of a “n” would make.

    To end on a positive note I do have to say I have met some nice, interesting, intelligent people on here. But it is so much more fun to pick on the things I don’t like.

    Other Crap Like This:
  • An Interview (reposted with permission)
  • MySpace Peeps
  • More Things I Hate About Myspace
  • An Open Letter to Women Who Wear See Thru Dresses at Award Shows
  • Are Sex in the City fans dumber than Fall Out Boy Fans?
  • Just some stuff

    John Stewart on Crossfire made my week. If you haven’t seen it yet it is on Ifilm.com it was pretty good. Anytime you can call Tucker Carlson a dick, well it makes my week.

    I hate new music… I can’t find anything new that I really like. I miss WBER in Rochester at least they would play some new music that all didn’t either fit into two categories “new modern hard rock made by a band that will have one album that anyone cars about” or “kinda punk but not really”. I think the radio stations out here are required to play sublime, no doubt, or 311 “amber” at least once an hour.

    I think if I was in porn my name would be Craven Vag and if I was in gay porn it would be Craven Cox. How could a guy not use the Craven name?

    I heard Ashlee Simpson like walked off staged for her big musical performance on Saturday Night Live. I just have to say this, is their seriously anyone that deserves less public attention then her? Ok let’s take Paris Hilton and Fred Durst out of the discussion.

    Boston is up 2-0… But I can’t get the promo’s for my big obnoxious boss out of my head. Just him asking the the women if they want to get into the jacuzzi and their utter looks of disgust make me want to actually watch that. House MD on the other hand, well you will have to strap me to a chair.

    I love when networks broadcast a major game and they show the cast of a show. You know the obligatory, “Oh look we are joined tonight by the cast of “Happy Days.” When Fox panned over and showed the cast of That 70’s Show was it possible to see four people that did not want to be watching a baseball game in 40 degree weather. I know Topher Grace scalped his ticket for 8,000 and was drinking at a bar, that is why Danny Masterson had such a pissed off look on his face.

    It is almost a week to election day and both parties are already filing legal motions in states about ballots. This is not going to end pretty, I am just going to be sick thinking about it.

    Other Crap Like This:
  • I am Now at War With Beth Stolarczyk of “The Real World”
  • What if I had an addiction, how would it go down?
  • Apparently I am an Influencer
  • WTF
  • This makes me want to hang myself
  • I Finally Have Found My Calling

    I have found my calling in life. One could say I have freakish ability in Rock, Paper, Scissors. Even maybe a Michael Jordan like quality, where I dominate the game to a level that nobody has seen; even making people think ahead to how they can explain me to their grandchildren.

    At a previous job I went on a streak of like 23 consecutive best out of three matches. Amazing I know. Today out of boredom I have found this.

    Lee Rammage

    So 2005 will be the year of Kevin.

    I think I can train and get myself to a peak performance level over a few months. God knows my wrists and forearms are strong enough…. Wait um never mind.

    Maybe I need to start a sponsorship drive? Nike maybe. Reebok sucks. Adidas is too low brow for me.

    Although I could wear the old school RUN DMC Adidas maybe giving me a broader reach into the urban youth market. I could unite all races as a rock, paper, scissors champion for the world. I need to be promoted heavily in China because it is an emerging marketplace.

    Just think the women, the money, the fame, endorsement deals, maybe even a movie of my life. Who would play me? Probably the kid that was Tara Reid’s boyfriend in American Pie, we both have that odd-shaped egg type head.

    Could I walk into the competition floor in a boxers robe with my name on the back? Could I get James Brown to sing “Living in America” like in Rockey IV?

    Actually I would need to have Soul Coughing’s “Super Bon-Bon” as my entrance music.

    Because I knew you all before the start of my professional rock, paper, scissors career you can sponge off of me at my posh estate. Speaking of Posh you think I could nab her from David Beckham, so I could be the subject of numerous British tabloids? If you aren’t in my first 33 friends you are out of luck. So if you are reading this in the future you could have had a free ride. You should have gotten here earlier.

    Alright I need to go train.

    Other Crap Like This:
  • I Think I Want To Be A Female Cam Whore
  • Reason Number 2 Why I am cooler than everyone
  • It Finally Has Happened…
  • Excuses Suck
  • I’ll take the(rapists) for 1000 Alex